When You Find Yourself in the Middle

36 years today, of me.

I’m not sure what 36 is supposed to means exactly.

It isn’t so much the beginning, nor the end…at least, I hope.  It’s something more like the middle.

I’m not old, but I’m not quite young either.  I’m a wife, but not a perky new bride anymore.  I’m a mom, but no longer an excited and anxious new mother.

At the same time, it doesn’t feel like I’ve mastered much of anything either. Sure the kids are potty trained, can do a few chores and some math, but I have no evidence yet of successfully raising well-adjusted and thriving adults.  My husband and I will check off 15 years of “us” this summer, which is awesome, but we’re still figuring this marriage thing out, year by year and far from teaching the masters class on it.

I’m just somewhere nearer to the middle, still learning, still growing, still making mistakes and not quite perfect at any of it.

It’s a bit messy in the middle.  Your mistakes are less excusable because you kind of know better, right?  All those struggles with burning dinner or not knowing how to hem pants, I’ve had time to figure that out by now, haven’t I? (Except, I still don’t know how to hem a pair of pants.)

And at the same time, in the middle, you can’t quite see the other side.

Much of the newness has worn off, yet the fruits of your labor aren’t yet visible.  You have hope of a harvest but there are still storms to be weathered and pests that may infest the crop.  In the middle, you run low on momentum and adrenaline.  Self-discipline, stewardship, faithfulness and perseverance become your battle cry but those aren’t flashy marketing terms, they sound like and feel like, work.

Do you ever feel that?  The middle of a diet – when it’s not quite new and exciting anymore, but you haven’t reached your goal weight either.  The middle of a road trip – where you’ve been in the car for far too long, but you have an equally long drive ahead of you.  The middle of a trial where the pain isn’t quite fresh but your resolve might be weakening because you’re getting tired, and reprieve is still days, weeks, months away.

It’s the messy middle and it can be a tough place to be.

 

But if we pull that stone up far enough, we can see there’s is so much life here.  The middle is a grace land of sorts.  In this in-between we’ve figured out a few things and we don’t need to make those mistakes again.  Those needless expectations, that striving to impress, that caring what other people think – it starts to fade, in the middle.  We’re wiser about our choices and clearer about our vision.  We have a better sense of time and space and we now understand how the game is played or why we are even playing in the first place.  We’re braver because of our past and braver because of our future.

This middle is where we get to re-shape our goals and dreams and make ground towards them.  This middle is where we see hope spring forth because fruit is growing, our marriages are beating the odds and our kids know stuff.  We are just starting to understand who God is  – and guess what – there is so much more to know.  We have just begun tasting how full life is – and guess what – there is so much more to know.  We have just started to experience enduring love and faithfulness, honor and righteousness – and guess what – there is so very much more to know.

If you ever feeling stuck, in the middle, if you are not quite young and not quite old, not exactly at the beginning but a ways from the end – take heart.  Take heart and find your stride. Keep your head down and your eyes fixed. These are the years of big gains.  There is no auto-pilot and every mile of the marathon matters.

I have a feeling 36 is going to be pretty fabulous. Because miracles happen, right here in the middle.