• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • KW
  • About
  • Books
    • I Choose Brave
    • But then she remembered
  • Speaking
  • Blog
  • Resources
  • Contact
  • Nav Social Menu

    • Email
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
    • YouTube

Katie Westenberg

I Choose Brave

  • Living Brave
  • Brave Faith
  • Brave Marriage
  • Parenting Brave
  • Brave Friend

5 Ways to Stay Afloat When Motherhood is Drowning You

by Katie

Mom?

Mom.

Moooom.

Mom. 

Her voice seeps around the bathroom door and finds me, in the shower.

Mom?

She knows the rules, so I ignore her first attempts hoping she will remember them, but it’s apparent this persistent child is not giving up.  She’s not yelling, not angry in her moming, just incessant.

Mooom.

Mom?

I respond calmly, gauging by her tone that she is not bleeding and there are no broken bones.  “I’m in the shower.  Unless it’s an emergency, you need to wait until I get out.”  My showers are quick, typically even completed before my kids are awake.  But not today.  A couple minutes of peace, without continual interruption, isn’t too much to ask, is it?

Apparently, it depends on who you ask.

Her reply is quick, but calculated. “Okay, Mom.  I was just wondering if I can wear the red sparkly dress today or if I should wear pants?”

This motherhood job can feel stifling at time. It's hard work raising kids! But there are tricks to surviving, keys to thriving and simple ways to do it well.

 

See what she just did there?  That is not an emergency.  But it’s such a simple question.

My point?  There is little reprieve in this job as mom.  My kids exhaust me in so many ways.  They challenge me mentally and physically.  Behavioral training can seem paradoxical at times. Training them to be disciplined requires an incredible amount of discipline on my own part – to be pragmatic and consistent, yet caring and full of grace.  The sum total of that, day in and day out, feels like work.

I’m leveling, not complaining here.  The magnitude of this work is incredible.  The opportunity to raise a world changer, a truth teller, a faithful someday spouse – to train the minds of the next generation of leaders, impact their hearts, influence their world, is incredible.  Yet still, incredibly exhausting as well.

So how does one survive bravely when lost deep in the trenches of motherhood, battling each day to do this well, with some degree of patience and grace?

5 Ways to Stay Afloat When Motherhood Threatens to Drown You

1. Come up for air.  Sometimes we think we can breathe sea water and do just fine, push on, charge through, but it doesn’t work out so well.  Breathing outside the walls of home, outside your role as mom, actually recharges your soul enabling you to do your mama job even better.  In Big Magic, Elizabeth Gilbert discusses how border collies need productive work to do or they can become destructive animals.  She argues that people aren’t all that different:

“I firmly believe we all need to find something to do in our lives that stops us from eating the couch.  Whether we make a profession out of it or not, we all need an activity that is beyond the mundane and that takes us out of our established and limiting roles in society (mother, employee, neighbor, brother, boss, etc.)  We all need something that helps us to forget ourselves for a while – to momentarily forget our age, our gender, our socioeconomic background, our duties, our failures, and all that we have lost and screwed up.”

While I don’t necessarily like the idea of calling motherhood a limiting role, Gilbert makes a great point here.  Pursuing our passions, developing our skills and talents and learning new things, when balanced within our priorities, are life-giving and keep us from drowning in the mundane.  They help us find air when we suck in too much sea water.  Pick up a book or listen to a podcast, start a workout plan, learn, grow – it doesn’t matter what it is, just breathe some fresh air into those lungs of yours so you don’t, you know, eat the couch.

Parenting requires enormous amounts of courage. Do it, bravely.

2. Keep an eye on the shore.  You know it won’t always be this difficult, right?  This parenting job changes and morphs continually.  Your kids are growing faster than you realize and before you know it this season, this stage, will pass.  The next one may not be a whole lot easier, but you will survive, I promise.  Keeping an eye on the shore gives you that perspective.  My oldest son turns 11 in a few weeks.  On one hand I stand in awe of how quickly that happened, but its also a great reminder that – it’s happening!  This thing I’m trying to do – trying to raise decent humans, trying to train and love them well, it’s happening.  Their time in my home is limited and with every passing day they are closer to being gone. (Don’t park there too long, friend, or we’ll both start crying.) Don’t lose sight of the shore.

3. Swim.  Right now, right where you are, swim.  Will your legs and arms to move and start swimming.  No matter how messy the house is, no matter how behind you feel, no matter how much you messed up yesterday, take the next good step and get going.  Trying to swim an ocean, like trying to be a good mom, takes faithfulness.  One stroke at a time, one day at a time, faithfulness.  You will get derailed.  You will feel like a champ at times and like a total loser at others, maybe even in the same day, but part of your job is , regardless of feelings, to just keep swimming.  (Thank you for that, Dory!)

4. Know when to float.  So if you swim until you can’t swim anymore and then you drown, things don’t end so well.  Sometimes motherhood is just too much.  Sometimes we feel in over our heads, stretched too thin, wound too tight and we’re spinning our wheels.  That is not just motherhood, that is life.  And this is when we require a good back float.  A little reprieve.  Phone a friend, level with your husband, call your mama, whatever you need to do to call in some support troops for an hour or two so you can catch your breath.  You don’t get to float everyday, maybe not even every week, but in order to do this job well you must be brave enough to ask for help before you are entirely spent and useless.  (Full disclosure:  I’m still working on this one.)

Always faithful.

5. Pray.  If I were drowning in the ocean or stuck on a boat with no sign of rescue, Unbroken style, I’d be throwing down those big and wild prayers just like Zamperini did.  Wouldn’t you?  Motherhood is no different, friends.  Somedays it feels like we are fighting for our sanity, we are struggling to keep our cool and some semblance of order, we are digging deep for more patience, more smiles, more grace and, my goodness, how could we ever be enough for this task?  But, God.  Pray with out ceasing, Mamas.  He sees you.

So there is no need to drown, friends.  You are doing just fine.  Sure you can do better, we can all do a little better and by God’s grace we will, as long as we just keep swimming.

Swimming right along with you. ❤️

signature

Share176
Email
Pin866
Print
Post
1KShares

You may also enjoy...

Filed Under: Brave Mama Tagged With: motherhood, parenting

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Rebecca C. Galisa says

    August 18, 2016 at 6:41 am

    I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this Katie! It spoke to me this morning when I was getting my kids ready and off to camp. Practicing “Patience” and “Grace” is something that I try to adhere to every day, but on most days “I fall short!” I thank you for the inspiration and encouragement. And with God by our sides, the mornings seem easier, if not perfect, just easier— to be able to look up and say “I got this, thank you!” xo

    Rebecca

    • Katie says

      August 18, 2016 at 7:18 am

      Exactly, Rebecca – “not perfect, just easier”. Fighting for grace and patience right along with you! 🙂

  2. Stefani {Walls of Home} says

    April 13, 2016 at 4:01 pm

    I love this so much, Katie! I just scheduled it on my fb page for tomorrow evening. I was looking for some posts to go along with my Battlefield Mom posts I’ll be sharing on my page for the rest of the week, and I knew I could find what I wanted on your site. I certainly wasn’t disappointed! Thanks for writing this! <3

    • Katie says

      April 13, 2016 at 9:35 pm

      You are such an encouragement, Stefani, thank you! And now I’m thinking I need to check out that Battlefield Mom series! 🙂

  3. Joelle Povolni says

    March 2, 2016 at 8:17 am

    We all need to know when to float! Love that! Thankful that God knows we are human and is still proud of us when we’re floating. Ha, ha. Thanks Katie!

  4. Rhiannon S says

    March 1, 2016 at 7:26 pm

    Wonderful points in this post, Katie. As a mom of a 14-month-old, I can relate so much to what you are saying here. One thing God has been teaching me and I have had to accept is that it is good to still dream as a mom. I always felt that once you become a mom that’s it, that is who you are now and everything else has to go. I am learning that this isn’t necessarily true. I think it is vital to dream as a mom and to even live your dream as long as it is something that does not separate you from your family or husband. We are now being watched every day and how important is it to show our littles that dreaming or walking your calling is a good thing? In order to do this, we have to do as you said and keep ourselves afloat. It can be a struggle, but our God is faithful!

    • Katie says

      March 1, 2016 at 9:01 pm

      The good news, Rhiannon, is that you figured that out quite quickly. And you get it! Of course, not all dreams are meant for now, when you are in the thick of mothering, but I don’t think we should ever stop dreaming, stop learning, stop growing. I couldn’t have survived this long without doing so. 🙂

  5. Darla Westenberg says

    March 1, 2016 at 7:08 pm

    Did she get to wear the sparkly red dress??

    • Katie says

      March 1, 2016 at 8:55 pm

      No, but for completely unrelated reasons. 😉

  6. Jamie says

    March 1, 2016 at 6:46 pm

    I just have to say, this post was very well put. You are right on, mama! Thank you for the encouragement. 🙂 These are things I need to hear and be reminded of on a daily basis. Motherhood is hard. I think it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life. As you said…but, God. Amen!! Thank you!

    • Katie says

      March 1, 2016 at 8:55 pm

      Thank you, Jamie. Part of the reason I write is to remind myself of these things as much as anyone else. I’m glad you stopped by and wish you the best as you continue to fulfill that beautifully hard role as mama!

  7. Kelly Canfield says

    March 1, 2016 at 5:52 pm

    Beautifully stated, as always. Thanks for the encouragement!

    • Katie says

      March 1, 2016 at 8:52 pm

      Thanks for being here, Kelly. <3

  8. Diane Klettke says

    March 1, 2016 at 1:30 pm

    My children are grown up so I am well past the years of active day to day parenting, but I still enjoy reading your posts, Katie. You write in a clear, refreshing manner and I love your graphics. I know that you put a lot of work into what you do – parenting, writing, and more. Keep up the good work!

    • Katie says

      March 1, 2016 at 3:54 pm

      Thank you for continual encouragement, Diane. It means so much too me!

  9. andrea says

    March 1, 2016 at 1:20 pm

    one can never go wrong with prayer – in any situation!

    • Katie says

      March 1, 2016 at 3:54 pm

      Indeed, Andrea!

  10. Alonda says

    March 1, 2016 at 1:08 pm

    Come up for air is genius! I need to do that more often!

    • Katie says

      March 1, 2016 at 3:53 pm

      You and me both, Alonda. 😉

  11. Carrie Wisehart says

    March 1, 2016 at 11:10 am

    First, love the books you referenced. I’m an English teacher and I can appreciate your quotes. 🙂 Second, I love that your last point is to PRAY. I am nothing without my ability to seek my sweet Jesus. More of Him, less of me, and then I can tackle this whole Mom thing. Thanks!

    • Katie says

      March 1, 2016 at 3:52 pm

      You are an English teacher! That explains why your blog is so well written, Carrie. Thanks so much for stopping by!

Primary Sidebar

 

Katie Westenberg

Hey, friend, I’m glad you’re here! I’m Katie. One girl determined to do life bravely. One girl determined to Fear God and Live Brave, to parent well, live authentically and work hard for all the things that matter. I Choose Brave and I hope you will too!

Enter your e-mail address in the box below and join thousands of women in the brave community here. It’s the simplest way to keep in touch and stay encouraged!

Posts You’ll Love!

Raising Overcomers: How to Teach Your Kids to do Hard Things

Identity Crisis: How to Help Your Children Know Their Worth

The Power of a Mother’s Words

Pre-Order Now

But Then She Remembered

Buy This Book Online
Buy from Amazon
Buy from Amazon Kindle
Buy from Christian Book Distributor
Buy from Barnes and Noble
Baker Book House
But Then She Remembered
Buy now!
This is fun news! For a limited time, buy a copy o This is fun news! For a limited time, buy a copy of But Then She Remembered for MOM and we’ll send YOU a copy of the audiobook for free!

Distraction is a multi-generational struggle. Remembering is a multi-generational command. Let’s do this, together. Here are the details:

Purchase your copy of But Then She Remembered from any retailer and then head to my website (link in bio) to get your free copy of the audiobook. It’s that simple.
.
Available while supplies last. (Note: the offer says buy a copy for mom, not necessarily YOUR mom. Buy a copy for a woman who is a mom, or a woman who has a mom. 😊 They all qualify. Just grab it before they’re gone!}
I scanned a post shared by a friend awhile back an I scanned a post shared by a friend awhile back and the words quickly wooed me. I’ve long been a sucker for words.
.
The writer spun them expertly, thoughtfully, vividly, and I was glad to drink of her craft, greedy for story drawn artfully, delivered thoughtfully, from a deep well.

Until I realized, the words weren’t true. The author was believing a well woven lie and carefully threading mistruth into her own kind of gospel. Her mastery, a thin veil for mistruth.
.
I was reminded, friend, perhaps the apple looks a bit different today. The shape and size, delivery method, have gone modern but the Truth is still the same - sin is crouching, desiring us and we are commanded to rule over it. Still, today.
.
We must know Truth to spot lies. We must remember it, to recognize the difference. We must be aware of our weaknesses and the sticky compulsion of temptation. It’s our responsibility to rule here. May we do so, bravely..
.
{Genesis 4:7 
And more like this in the newly released, But Then She Remembered.}
This morning, remember. This morning, remember.
Just a little PSA to remind you - it’s possible. Just a little PSA to remind you - it’s possible. 

It’s possible to be aware of the news and the world, of foreign relations and politics, and not be obsessed about it.

It’s possible to feel the real hurt of real trouble and not be possessed by it.

It’s possible to be in the world and not of it. To remember who God was, and is, and always will be, above it.

It’s possible to remember Him here.

May we learn to do so, bravely.
.

{Beautifully modeled in Psalm 77. See for yourself, friend.❤️}
Slow processor over here. But this little book lau Slow processor over here. But this little book launched into the world on Tuesday and I’m still reeling from the beauty of celebrating side by side with so many sisters, the grace of what it looks like when so many women offer their gifts for His glory (fishes and loaves never looked so good!), and the incredible support of my local community. I’ll never forget it.
.
If you want to join us as women determined to remember the goodness of God in this wildly distracting world, grab yourself a copy of the book and LET’S GO! We are ready for it.❤️
HOW SWEET IS THIS? My dear friend @jodie_berndt an HOW SWEET IS THIS? My dear friend @jodie_berndt and I get to release books on the very same day - tomorrow! To celebrate @growthrootsco (another dear friend and creator of the loveliest journals) is giving YOU a chance to win copies of them all!

Here’s the offering:

1. My book - But then she remembered (how to give God your full attention in a distracted world)
2. Jodie’s book - Praying the scriptures for your marriage (trusting God with your most important relationship)
3. A growth book! 
4. Jodie’s favorite pens!
5. An Amazon gift card!! 
6. Marriage conversation cards! 

Beautiful, right? I know these women, their love for Jesus, their work and their words. You will LOVE these books, friend (and the extra goodies too). 

Here’s how to enter:

1. Follow @jodie_berndt, @katie_westenberg and @growthrootsco

2. Tag 3 friends (or more 😉 each tag or share gives you another entry) 

3. Like this post.

That’s it! The giveaway will close Wednesday night and the winner will be announced Thursday! 

*Giveaway open to U.S residents only. As per Instagram’s rules, this promotion is not sponsored, administered, or associated with Instagram in any way.*
The humanity of Jesus Christ is an indispensable g The humanity of Jesus Christ is an indispensable gift to us as believers. Every challenge we face He met and mastered. The Bible doesn’t speak of endless notifications and group texts, but it does speak of people with real needs showing up in Christ’s path constantly. 
.
Wherever He went crowds followed with needs and questions and frustrations and problems. He got in a boat to cross to the other side of the sea, and people would race to meet Him there. 

Can you even imagine?

And His most common response? He was moved with compassion. 
.
Over and over again, He stopped what He was doing, paused from the task at hand, and tended to the needy hearts - the bleeding woman, the woman at the well - right in front of Him.
.
Far too often I find I’m happy to entertain distractions - anything that prevents me from giving my full attention to something else - and yet annoyed by interruptions. Perhaps it is because one I choose, while the other I do not?
.
Discerning the difference between a distraction and an interruption has been a helpful tool to me. I want to love like Christ. I want to be interruptible, but I want to give my full attention to what He places in my path.
.
What about you? Are you more frustrated by distractions or interruptions?
.
.
.
{excerpt from But Then She Remembered: How to Give God Your Full Attention in a Distracted World.}
UPDATE: You all scooped up dozens of copies in min UPDATE: You all scooped up dozens of copies in minutes! 🎉 Well done! You know how to love your leaders well. I wish we had another case of books to give away! We are closing this giveaway for now. If you sent us a message watch for a reply soon!
****

I need your help with something fun! 
.
This little book is making its way out into the world and instead of sending all of the marketing copies to all of the “influencer” people, we’ve held a supply back for the real people on the ground. 
.
These copies are for the women’s ministry leaders and the Bible study leaders. The small group leaders and women out there mentoring and serving others in quiet and unseen places. The women without a platform or audience in the world’s currency, but willing to do good and important work for the women right in front of them.
.
I’m convinced this work of leading and serving face to face is more important than ever and I want to say thank you! And keep going! Your work matters.
.
So here is how it works: If you are a local leader or know of one who you would like me to send a copy of my hot-off-the-press book, But Then She Remembered: How to Give God Your Full Attention in a Distracted World, DM me with a name and mailing address. I’ll send them a copy of the book with a personal thank you note for the good work they are doing.
.
Crash my inbox. We’ll send ‘em out while supplies last!

Copyright © 2025 · Katie Westenberg · All Rights Reserved