I don’t goodbye well.
I mostly prefer not to.
Emotions make me slightly uncomfortable. Not the happy emotions, I guess. I like to smile, like to laugh. I’d just rather not do sad.
I have a bit of Scarlet O’Hara in me. I’m not much for crying and when the hard, emotional parts of life come I prefer to tell myself “I’ll think about that tomorrow” and press on.
My grandpa died last night.
I’d rather not even tell you that. I’d rather dish out Christmas posts and talk about books I love or write about warm and fuzzy Christmas traditions. It’s more like me to gloss it over, just keep going.
But at the same time I ask myself, what does it look like to walk through this bravely? To lean in, to be authentic when I really just want to move along?
I’m not sure I know exactly. Navigating grief during the holidays isn’t easy, but guess what? Sometimes grandpas die at Christmas. Sometimes, as was the case for my parents yesterday, instead of Christmas shopping in the waning days of November you get a phone call that rushes you to the hospital, yet again.
Sometimes planning a funeral trumps planning your Christmas meal. Life moves sideways for a few moments, priorities shift and the holidays look different. Busy, gets busier and you celebrate with tears in your eyes, memories crashing like waves and you find empty spots in your heart, spots never before empty.
That is what Christmas really looks likes sometimes.
But even in that, even in all of that, there is glory. There is good. There is Light.
At the dawn of Advent, the coming, Jesus came for my grandpa. There is no better convergence of Thanksgiving and Advent than to watch Jesus call home one of his own, one whose body was tired and weary, broken and failing.
If Christmas is defined by joy, can there be any joy greater than this?
Yesterday morning I read to my children a dramatization by Joni Eareckson Tada of the angels coming to the shepherds near Bethlehem. “Suddenly the sky opened up. Dazzling light from heaven above streamed upon the hillside. The shepherds almost fell over for the “the glory of the Lord shone around them.” They squinted through the blinding brightness and saw – with shock and amazement – the powerful angel.”
My grandpa completely lost his vision a month ago. His mind, still sharp, recognized my voice, but his sight was gone. I can only imagine what my grandpa saw last night. Like the sheperds on that hillside years ago, from the dark world in which he was confined, my grandpa got to see that “blinding brightness” as he was peacefully, silently, rescued by a Savior. The same Savior we celebrate as a humble babe at Christmas.
This is what it’s all about, my friends. This is the truest reminder my eyes could behold this season.
There is no sad for that. There are tears that I loved him and he is now gone. There are tears because he’s always been here and a world without a grandpa seems strange. There are tears for the childhood memories of Lorna Doone cookies and Reynold’s Tea with grandpa, those warm and happy spots that you can’t get back to. But my heart is full of happy to know where my grandpa is right now. Full of happy to know the joy he is experiencing.
I couldn’t receive a better reminder, a better gift this Christmas.
He came and He is coming. May we all wait expectantly.
This post is linked up at Grace & Truth.
Sorry for your loss but what a blessing that in Him this life is just a vapor.
The hope we have in Jesus is unmatched to the grief on this Earth.
Thinking of you!
XO
What a beautiful perspective. Thank you for sharing. Praying God will continue to comfort you and your family at this time.
Thanks, Charlie. I appreciate that and am so glad you stopped by.
Oh, I am so sorry! It WILL hurt, but the promises of God will help so much. I lost my mom on Dec. 7th two years ago, and it has caused Christmas to become a different sort of experience… both extra comforting because of our dear Savior’s birth and sad from the realization that so many family traditions have permanently changed. I do miss her so much, as I am certain you will miss your dear Grandpa. I try to make the time count now with all my loved ones still here on earth, and I am so very grateful for having had such a precious mother for the time here that I did. You and yours are in my prayers this Christmas season. Wishing you tender Christmas moments that continually remind you of your Heavenly Father’s everlasting love and comfort for you. Sending much love, Bettie
Thank you for your sweet words, Bettie! I’ve been thinking about that very thing – how traditions can change permanently when we lose someone we love. Death, although hard, is always such a good reminder to appreciate life. Wishing you the very same comfort this Christmas season, Bettie!
Very beautiful Katie. Thank you for posting this wonderful tribute. I too lost my Mom last month. Having a strong faith system does make it easier, the reassurance that our loved one is in a far better place now. Like the song sings, “I will rise when he calls my name, no more sorrow no more pain…”. I woke up with this song in my heart three days after my Mom’s passing.
I hope you continue to find strength and reassurance in the promises of our God.
Thank you, Shanna. I am so sorry about your mom. I’m praying for you this morning, as you navigate this season that look different than before. Praying that you can cherish the good memories you have and Peace that passes all understanding will fill your heart, even during the sad moments. <3
Rejoicing with you at heaven’s gain and praying for you and your family as you grieve your temporary loss. <3
Thank you, Kelly. Temporary – I love that!
Katie, I am so very sorry for your loss. This is a sweet picture of your Grandpa. I want to hug you right now. Being okay with sad is a brave thing. I’m glad you have the comfort of knowing that your Grandpa will be with Jesus this Christmas. I’ll be keeping you and your family in my prayers.
Thank you for this, Dawn. It really is a mostly joyful occasion when you see someone struggling so much to do life. But the hugs from friends, even the ones from afar, are appreciated just the same. <3
What a beautiful tribute to a man who was so important and played such a great role model for you and your family Katie. Tears of joy and hugs of love to you my friend.
Thanks so much, Emily.
Oh, Katie. Tears for you right now. I’m so sorry about your grandpa. I wish I could give you a hug right now. I’m praying comfort for you and your family today, and during this Christmas season. I love you, sweet friend. XO
Thank you, friend. I really do appreciate it.