The world tells our children who they are and who they are not, in a hurry. It begins as early as the playground, the basketball team, the classroom. It crushes harder with social media and magazines. They become teens and then adults who struggle to know their value, their worth. They often wonder if they are enough.
But what if we, as their mothers, had the power to change that? What if we became intentional about building our children up in truth, about reminding them of their true identity, about speaking life-giving words over their hearts and minds? What if you became deliberate about helping your children know their worth?
Last weekend I had the rare treat of hanging out with just my oldest son for the afternoon. One on one time is hard to come by in our bustling household and this boy, a freshly minted 11 year old, gets most of his one on ones with his dad. But Saturday is was just him and me.
Our time together was nothing flashy, but rather the mundane of running errands. We were looking for a new dresser; grabbing office supplies and household needs.
I apologized for the boring errands our date consisted of and warned him that Hobby Lobby was next on my list when he surprised me and said, “Oh, I actually kind of like Hobby Lobby”.
Really?
“Yeah, they have all kinds of cool pictures and stuff for my room and you know me, I’m a pack rat anyway.”
I stopped short for a minute. “A pack rat? Who told you that?”
“You did, mom.”
The silence was weighty as I realized, he was right. I did. I told him that.
When he wanted to keep that box from his favorite Lego set he received 2 years ago, I told him that. When I have found numerous odd and bizarre momentos in his bedroom, I have told him that. Those times his room is a mess and he can’t seem to part with anything, I have tossed that label out there like a blanket and he has slowly wrapped himself right up in it, claiming it as his own. And there was no denying it came straight from me. I told him he is a pack rat.
Listening to this podcast recently I was convicted. My children, and yours as well, are uniquely gifted. They were created with distinct talents. They are fearfully and wonderfully made. And sometimes, in the struggle of real life and sharing space, in the mess of motherhood and household management, I fail to see it. Those very gifts can make us a little crazy – we find them annoying or they wear on our nerves, particularly when they are gifts that don’t quite match our own.
I am decidedly not sentimental. When I was in 6th grade my mom spent hours creating for me one of those lacey crocheted vests that were all the rage. I know that really doesn’t sound awesome right now, but I promise it was cool. Trust me on this.
Anyhow, she spent hours crafting that vest for me and I was thrilled to wear it. But, by the time fall was over the styles changed, my tastes changed and I tossed that vest in the yard sale pile. A little later when my mom found it, well, I clearly remember her wanting to toss me in the yard sale pile.
I’ve always been a tosser rather than a keeper, but somehow, I birthed a keeper. God gave me a keeper – a boy who has an incredible memory that has wowed me since he was 3, a boy who was born with a naturally kind and grateful heart, who truly appreciates gifts and memories, one who loves to reminisce and cherishes our family stories.
And I minimized him to a pack rat.
I hate those words, friends. Death and life are in the tongue and I am as guilty as anyone, but God gave me the gift of seeing it all with my very own eyes while I still have time to correct it.
So where do we begin?
Recognize your child’s gifts.
The truth is, nearly every trait that occasionally annoys us about our children is directly related to their God given strengths. That strong willed child can be a valiant fighter for truth. That slow and careful child will see details the movers and shakers may never see. That shy and quiet one may hear more, discern more and eventually speak the wisdom this world needs to hear.
And do you know what our job is as their mothers? To grow that. To speak life to that. Our job as mothers is to incubate the unique seeds of life our children are growing, not to simply see them all as weeds.
This is the truth your child needs to hear you speak.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)
You can do all things with Christ’s strength. (Phillippians 4:13)
You can do hard things. (Romans 8:37)
You are seen, known, protected and called by name. (Isaiah 43:1-2)
You are forever loved. (Jeremiah 31:3)
As a mother, I want my words to be life and hope. I long to speak truth over my children, to grow their gifts and encourage their strengths, but it doesn’t happen when I’m simply calling out their weaknesses.
God, help me to control my sharp tongue and short sighted heart.
I’m committed to speaking God’s truth aloud over my children, that they might leave my home knowing exactly who they are, fitted in a firm foundation of their worth.
So very much more than a pack rat.
My words have been hurtful weapons too many times. My 7 year-old son avoids me because of choices I’ve made, things I’ve said, promises I’ve broken. How do I repair this? Where do I begin? History is repeating itself from my parents to myself to him. I feel that I’m losing him emotionally and can’t reach him back
Oh, Juliette, the beauty is, that it isn’t too late. God is a Restorer, a Healer, a Redeemer and a Conquerer. That does not mean change is easy, but His help is real. Do you have a mentor in your local church who can help keep you accountable through this? A godly mentor can be vital here. I’m praying for you today; you’re desire for change is the very best place to start.
This is the best piece I have ever read. Thanks and God bless you.Our children are priceless treasures. I look forward to reading more from you.
That’s a beautiful article Katie! Thank you for writing it!
Strangely, of all of the memory verses I was taught as a child, Philippians 4:13 always stands out to me <3
Beautiful website and beautiful content. Don't stop!
Thank you for encouragement, Kathryn! I hope when my children are older they will say the same regarding Philippians 4:13 🙂
This was beautiful and much needed, thank you 💚💛
This was an eye opening read. Even as young as my kids are, it amazes me how much they remember and apply it to who hey are.
Isn’t that the truth, Sonya? I think we often underestimate their understanding and capability. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
Great post. Real. Thank you.
My pleasure, Brittany. For the most part, we’re all fighting the same battles.
The Lord led me right to this tonight. It Spoke volumes to me after loosing my cool with my “testy” 13 year old son in the Costco parking lot today. I have since apologized but like the previous comments, those words will remain, even if forgiven and it breaks my heart to think he may define himself with these hurtful words. Middle school is hard enough. I am asking for prayer, I am really struggling and this blog affirms my need/desire to change ways and build up my precious ones instead of the opposite
I’d be honored to pray for you, Shannon. Remember that God’s grace is bigger than any of our mistakes. Asking for forgiveness when we mess it all up and then prayerfully seeking to do better is the very best we can do, and you are doing just that. I’m glad these words found you at the right time and and am praying that you will be encouraged this week.
Shannon, this breaks my heart for you as I, too, have lost my cool as a mom. We all have at some point or another. This week, instead of drowning in discouragement and shame and feeling bad, remember that you taught your son an invaluable lesson. A lesson in humility and saying the two hardest words to say, “I’m sorry!” Every time you’re reminded that you “lost”it and start to feel bad, go to him, and reaffirm something positive in his life or his day. One of the greatest lessons our kids will learn is that we are not human, we will mess up too, but when we do, we will humble ourselves and ask for forgiveness and make it right. I’ll be lifting you up in prayer this week!
Such beautiful words, Krystal. Thanks for being a light here! <3
Having the same regrets and wishes for “do overs.” I’m starting to stop midway and say, “wait, I’d like to say that differently…”. So, so hard in the midst of being “right,” not taking attitude, etc. I’m so far from where I wat to be, but being more conscious and intentional is a great place for me to start.., just my two cents of what is helping me… So grateful for this writing piece, Katie! Your words, bring light and love, wisdom and strength from His word!
I love this, Liz! That takes a huge amount of self-control and humility to catch yourself and re-phrase your words – self-control and humility your children are seeing first hand. THAT is beautiful!
This one hit me right between the eyes. I too have a “pack rat”. I know I have called her that. She too has an impeccable memory & such a big heart…so much more then a pack rat. 🙁
Sorry, friend. In all of the things we try to protect our kids from in this world it stings when the finger points straight back at us. But it is an opportunity to show our kids how real and messy we are as well and, even more, an opportunity to do a better job shaping and appreciating those gifts in the future. You’re doing a great job, Tiff!
Thank you for sharing this – I’ll have to keep in mind for future reference!
I also wanted to drop a note and invite you to come join us at Sunday’s Simple Homemaker Link-Up. Would love to have you link-up!! http://www.prairiegalcookin.com/sundays-simple-homemaker-5th-weekly-link-up/
Thanks for the invite!
Hello! I came across your blog on Pinterest. What a great reminder this post was! I’m raising two girls and it is SO important to remember every word, every nuance those words are said, are helping or hurting them. There is no taking words back. Thanks for the beautiful words of encouragement!!
I’m so glad you stopped by, Krystal! What a gift you been given in those little girls and what a gift they have in a mama who is fighting hard to speak life to them.
Love this! I pinned it up, Katie. Great job!
Thank you, Ifeoma!
it all starts with spending time in the Word!
Always. <3
God has definitely been drawing my attention to the words I speak over my kids. And although they aren’t obscene or anything they aren’t always pretty or uplifting. I love the direction you point us in to encourage our kids, acknowledge who God says they are and what God given gifts they have.
They are who God says they are!
Indeed the are. I’m so glad you are committed to giving your kids your very best, Alonda.
God has been working with me on this as well. The Proverb you quoted has been very convicting to me – death and life are in the tongue!
Convicting to all of us, Anne. That is a weighty truth! 🙂
Katie, I just came across your blog on Christian Women Blogs on Facebook and I am glad I did. I raised two daughters to adulthood, during which I gave many word related wounds. As a parent of adult daughters I now have that hindsight that is wisdom. Words are so powerful. I also, now have a grandson who is 5. I am much more conscious of my words and my actions and hope that during the times that I interact with him, he will see Jesus. God has been gracious and has introduced me to humility, a companion many of us try to avoid. But humility is essential for words to be transformed from speaking the law to our kids hearts, to speaking love. Thank you for sharing! – Amy –
http://www.stylingrannymama.com
Beautiful wisdom there, Amy. Thank you. And I’m so glad you stopped by. <3
Just Perfect. Beautifully said. Thank you 🙂 x
My pleasure. <3
So thankful for this today!!!
I love that these words found you right when you needed them , Christel.