I was in the checkout line when the cashier noticed the carseat carrier in my cart. “Will this be your first Mother’s Day?”
I smiled proudly. Yes, yes it would be. With a 5 week old baby in tow, I was now in the club.
I had a new holiday. I hand’t even realized.
She congratulated me and told me her daughter-in-law was a first time mom as well. As she fell into a rhythm of scanning my groceries she spilled out all of her plans for celebration. She had bought her daughter-in-law a gift and she and her son were planning out a shared meal in honor of the special day.
It sounded fabulous. And slowly, in ways I barely noticed, expectation crept in.
What a nice idea, huh? A day off right when the sleepless nights were starting to stack up. One day to not cook or clean anything, a day to read or relax, while others did all the work. Gifts. A delicious meal. How lovely.
Maybe you are quicker at picking up on reality than I was back then, but Mother’s Day with a nursing infant doesn’t quite look like that. The baby didn’t stop getting hungry every few hours, in my honor. He didn’t stopping filling his diaper or needing a little help burping.
Life didn’t change because it was Mother’s Day. It didn’t change the year there were two small children or three. And it hasn’t changed much when there are four.
Maybe the only thing that changes on Mother’s Day are my expectations?
For as long as I could remember I have enjoyed this little holiday we call Mother’s Day. As a child I remember my parents buying corsages for my grandmothers to wear to church on this day. In school we crafted small and humble gifts to take home and give to our mothers. It was a day of sunshine and flowers as we recognized the women who bore us.
But something changed when I had children of my own – expectation entered the picture.
Expectation may very well be the most deadly threat to contentedness, to gratefulness, to motherhood.
Quietly we harbor expectations for our spouses, our kids, our parents, holidays. They seep in from dark corners, quiet places, the internet, and we barely even notice it’s happening. They shape our view of the status quote, what we think we need, deserve. Just as dust collects on the flat surfaces of our homes, expectation settles into the flat spaces of our hearts. No area is exempt.
Back when I first became a mom I didn’t even have social media to contend with. I only learned of someone else’s brilliant holiday plans from a grocery store clerk. Now we get to see highlight reels, cropped, edited and filtered, with only a quick swipe on our phone. We don’t have to imagine that everyone else’s home is cleaner, that their kids are smarter or more athletic, that they were gifted beautiful bouquets and hours of rest on the holiday in their honor, we get to see pictures of it first hand, videos in real time.
Expectation doesn’t even have to be sneaky anymore, we invite it in.
But what if we didn’t? What if we stomped the embers, cut off the oxygen before they caught fire? What if we threw water on the whole mess of it?
I have seen expectation ruin Mother’s Day for new moms and old, moms who are just getting used to their title and mothers who have worn it for decades now.
We wish our husbands would help more, our kids would call more, someone would notice and pick up the slack. We wish we could relax and not serve endlessly and maybe, just for a day, the kids would stop fighting.
And our wishes are real. Normal even.
But what if we stepped ahead of them and set our hearts on gratitude? What if we stepped ahead of expectation and chose how we view this day, this life, this work we’ve been given?
What if we celebrated Mother’s Day, full of thanksgiving and free of expectation?
Yes, you might still change diapers and sweep crumbs. Your grown kids might forget to call. But that changes nothing.
You, you mom, have been given one of the greatest opportunities on earth. You own a title some women have begged God for, spent hours in doctor’s office trying to make happen, cried bitter tears for, to no avail. You have been given a front row seat to life in all its messiness. The opportunity to work out your faith in fear and trembling as a piece of your own heart marches around outside your body is like no other.
These kids of yours have drawn you in to prayer and helped you see the Father’s love like never before.
Your children have helped you understand the unfathomable concept of unconditional love.
You have grown in grace and patience, in perseverance and understanding, all because God chose you to be their mom.
It is tiring. Endlessly tiring. But it is a gift you have already received and continue unwrapping to this day.
Need nothing more. Expect nothing else. This job, this opportunity is huge. And wild. And more than enough.
This Mother’s Day, let’s simply choose to be thankful – for the chance to shape hearts and souls, while we bravely trust that God is doing that very same thing in us.
Let’s strong-arm Mother Day’s into gratitude and rid our hearts of any exceptions. Dust the cobwebs before they even settle.
This may be the very key to a truly wonderful Mother’s Day.
Hi Katie,
I became a bonus mom of adult children 20 years ago and never had a child of my own. Being a bonus mom has advantages and disadvantages and its been a challenge most of the time to really find my place in the whole bit. I’ve always approached Mother’s Day with my mama and my mom-in-law (RIP) with honor and gratitude. That has been the easy part. The hard part has been to not have hurt feelings when I have the “role” in title when someone wants me to do something but the role isn’t real because I’m not the biological parent. Sounds very selfish and self-centered when I type that out (perhaps that is what God wanted me to see?). But yesterday, something very beautiful happened…3 neighborhood children, ages 7, 4, and 2 knocked on our front door and gave me a Mother’s Day gift they had made in church earlier in the day. These little ones are frequent visitors to our home; we share popsicles and cookies on the front porch in the summer time, we play the Hokey Pokey in the front yard, and yesterday my husband and I spent time teaching their little fingers how to weave Jacob’s Ladder, a cup and saucer, a rocket ship, etc. out of a circle of string on our fingers (remember those from long ago entertainment options before the internet???). To these little ones, we are “grandparent like” as theirs aren’t nearby. I felt delight and joy as I held each one in my lap while teaching them to bend little fingers through a circle of string to create something whimsical. Bonus parent/grandparent or grandparent like – the day’s honorary title suddenly didn’t seem important and my bruised ego relative to not being acknowledged didn’t matter in those moments. The only thing important was God was present in those little faces and in my heart. It was a beautiful day.
I hope your Mother’s Day was special with your beautiful family.
Jan this is so beautiful!!! Embracing God’s unique story for us might be one of the bravest things we ever do, right? Thank you so much for sharing this here. I just love it! <3
Hi Katie, I discovered your blog via Pinterest recently and just needed to say thank you for a lovely, encouraging blog. Seen a lot and never thought to stay tuned in on any one specific blogger, but being a mummy of 4 little ones, God fearing and needing lots of BRAVE in my life I’ll be here, reading, even if I’m not writing…. ( just brought baby no 4 home 2 weeks ago😀)
Thank you for the time you take to share your gift!!
Liaan
What a beautiful way to celebrate Mother’s Day, Liann! Congratulations (times 4!); I’m so glad you found your way here. <3
Very well said! As I now not only have the title of Mother, but Grandmother and Great Grandmother! Never even thought about those titles as a young mom celebrating my very first Mother’s Day. I don’t suppose any of us do, as we are just busy being Mom’s not thinking of being Grandmother someday, or if we live long enough Great Grandmother. Our image of a Great Grandmother is of someone wrinkled and bent over a cane or in a wheelchair, snow white hair and shaky hands. Well, I’m almost like that, my hair is more gray, my face is not too wrinkled and so far I’m not using a cane or wheelchair, although my knees stiffen up along with other joints at times. What I most think about and pray often for is that my children, grandchildren and great grandchildren learn of and follow the teachings of Christ. That their days are filled with joy and contentment as they walk in His light, and that they obtain mercy and grace for the times they fall down. Though I love them dearly I know they are not perfect and don’t always do the right thing. Some have had hard battles to fight, some have left the protection of the Shepherd’s fold, but I have hope that this Mother’s Day will bring delight and joyful surprises to all the Mom’s, and the Dad’s and children will be blessed as well. May they all be withing His hedge of protection and under His umbrella of love!
Finally, I just want to say I hope you have a very happy Mom’s Day!
You are such a treasure, Shirley. I hope to still be celebrating motherhood when I’m white and wrinkled and possibly even with a cane. I so appreciate your continual encouragement and generous perspective. I hope you have a wonderful weekend as you continue to unwrap the gifts that God has given you. <3
You’ve done it again, friend. Such a beautiful perspective! “It is a gift you have already received and continue unwrapping to this day.” So good and so true! We always celebrate Mother’s Day by planting flowers in flower pots for our front porch and hanging ferns. Such a small tradition, but oh so special. It started when we our budget was too tight for a tangible gift. I stretched our grocery money to be able to buy a few plants, and I picked this experience as my gift. the gift of time if you will. Over the past decade, it has just kind of stuck! And it is one of my favorite memories I look forward to every year. We don’t always do it on Mother’s Day or even that weekend. This year it will be the following weekend, but it is so special. 🙂 When we let go of our idea of the perfect Mother’s Day, the “gifts” that are found in the little things mean so much more!
I love this tradition, Krystal! What a simple yet beautiful memory that can last throughout the years. Thank you for your kind words and I hope you have a truly wonderful Mother’s Day. <3