Life will test your courage in unexpected ways. When the moment arrives, you might have little time to prepare. So growing courage in the daily matters. Watch for it and learn. Here’s what one mother in the grocery store recently taught me about being a brave mom.
The cry sliced the airways, charged up and over aisles, while I passed an obligatory glance at the paltry remains of the Christmas clearance. Everyone heard it, but no one made eye contact as the the small but powerful wail crashed into our collective consciousness.
Someone was having a bad day.
I tried to ignore the clamor and continued shopping with my two oldest kids, moving about the store and checking things off our list. The cry was wild, irksome, not easily ignored. My thoughts followed what I assume is a pretty normal path as the battle continued to wage.
Poor child…
Poor parent…
This is getting a little ridiculous…
Girl, wave the white flag. Take the kid to the car. Give her the candy. Something. Anything.
I’m not saying these thoughts are a holy checklist for proper parenting, don’t read that. They were just real ones. And probably similar to those of most of the non-eye contact shoppers around me. We were all in this together, except not.
My list complete, I made my way toward the checkout and the wailing got louder. We were obviously inching closer to the culprit. The volume increased, the source neared, with each passing aisle.
The Real Story
And there she was. Parked three feet from the end of the aisle, I could have reached out and touched the mama I found sitting criss cross on the floor. Her tween daughter, with what immediately appeared to be a mental handicap, lay across her lap, wailing.
The lump in my throat, the kind that surges tears to eyes, was instantaneous.
The mom didn’t even notice me; her eyes were fully on her daughter. Her purse lay half-tipped beside her and her face was calm as she rocked, held and poured peace into her wildly yelling girl. She whispered amidst the cries without an ounce of anxiety in her voice, “It’s okay. I know you don’t understand.” Her muscle memory was obvious. She knew what she was doing.
Realizing this mama had the seemingly out of control situation under control, I shuffled my kids past the scene, when my daughter asked “What was going on there, mom?”
The only answer I knew came quick. “That was someone being a really good mama, right there.”
She took a moment to process my abstract answer and pushed for more, “Is that what you would do?”
She cut to the quick and I answered as honestly as I could. “I hope so, Bay. I sure hope so.”
In all my life I’m not sure I have witnessed first hand, a more beautiful moment in motherhood. The calm in the face of heartache; the calm in the face of stares. Living life amidst everyone’s assumptions, inaccurate as they may be, and doing it anyway. Tossing your purse and going down Indian-style in the aisle for your kid who is still fighting you.
Growing Braver
Every single one of my initial thoughts and reactions were wrong. That mom knew what she needed to do and she did it in a way that was both beautiful and brave, even when the world around her, the world that didn’t know the whole story, never understood it as such.
Let’s not shuffle past that, friend.
God has chosen you as the mother of your kids. Their needs might not be quite so obvious, but they have them, I promise. They have quirks and bents that are going to stretch you and test you and probably even embarrass you at times. What they need is a mama who is willing to throw down and hold them. A mama who doesn’t even notice the whispered disdain, the gaping crowd. They need a mama who will spill her purse and be in it with them more than she complains about how hard this gig is. Our kids need mothers brave enough to live that hard, risk that, rather than hiding in the car or staying at home.
I wish I had the opportunity to let that mama know how awesome I think she is. Clearly it wasn’t appropriate at that moment. But maybe her story can speak louder than any pat on the back I could offer.
Let’s be mamas who root each other on in living out courageous motherhood. It’s rarely picturesque, it’s often humbling and nearly always hard. But we have the unique opportunity to pour the purest courage into the souls of the next generation, and anyone else watching, by laying down our pride and doing the gritty work of motherhood. Daily. Bravely.
God, grant us the courage to do this well.
May it be so.
Wow, this just got tears in my eyes…. I fail miserably with my children each day. Some are better than others, this was truly an eye opener, and God telling me, Mom, just sit down and get to their level for a change. We did the supermarket tantrum when my daughter was only three years old, some 5 years ago, and that day I knew, this was the day that we have to put our foot down. She cried and threw the mother of all tantrums about a box of smarties. (chocolates). It got so bad, that my husband paid for the groceries and I went to the car with a screaming & kicking toddler. Too fasten her in her carseat was a mission in it self, and keeping my patience was something else….
Well, hubby came back to the car with groceries and she, fastened in the seat know, still screaming…She screamed until we got home, she still cried and screamed when I bathed her, and took her to bed still crying. Nothing worked, not being firm, not being nice….nothing….. I felt like crying, and I missed my mother that day, because I was out of options of what to do.
In the end, she went to bed, and I ate the box of smarties, we never gave it to her. That ended the store tantrums forever…..you can take her to the shops with you she will not dare ask for anything, in fact, she hates shopping!
We now have a little brother he is now almost three, and I dread the day, he is going to put his little toes over that line and test us…..
Thanks for reminding us, to have a little bit of grace for them as well.
I thought that this was so powerful and touching. Oftentimes, moms can be blinded by social etiquette and expectations. So much so that we forget what it means to be good fellow humans. Jesus was one of the greatest examples of kindness and compassion and yet us faithful women so often fail our sisters. Thanks for sharing this; everyone needs to hear this story <3
B
I loved this story. This is my story. I strive to live bravely and rise two special needs kids. Brené browns work on the critic has set me free to live as my life requires me to. As free as possible of the shame from others. It has cost me relationships in my own family however I have gained a community of people living brave. I have been the mom on the floor in the store or doctors office. I have been the mom judging others also. I’m not perfect. Today I have more compassion then ever. Thank you for your work and encouragement. I hope to be a recipient of this type of grace in the future. And I hope I coninue to give it.
The way you can see both sides of this issue is beautiful, Ashley. Empathy does not always come easily when we simply do not understand. But I’m thankful that God gives us opportunities to learn more, understand more and grow in empathy. Your kids are blessed to have a mama who is brave enough to live this out with them and for them. <3
I had a really tough day today with my toddler who is testing all the boundaries and I usually feel like she is controlling me way too much. I stood my ground today even though she screamed and screamed then I held her and eventually she accepted that she didn’t get her way and finally went to our rooms exhausted! I felt really drained and tired by the constant resistance and daily battles that we face but reading this warmed my heart and encouraged me. Despite what anyone thinks or may say or what negative thoughts may cross my own mind, I won’t give up on her, can’t but love her and want to do the best for her and to make this journey count. We are all on training ground here. We must learn to embrace the challenges and find joy inside no matter what as having faith, the right mindset and attitude makes a huge difference to our daily walk.
Thank you for posting this 😘
Every child deserves a mother so committed to not giving up on them, Joanna. Keep doing the hard thing with courage – I promise that toddler stage does not last forever. 😉
Wow, this post really spoke to me. Beautiful. Thank you.
Thank you for taking a minute to let me know, Joy. I so appreciate it.
This is such a great story of courage, strength and grace. Thank you so much for sharing it Katie! I could picture the mom and her daughter while reading your post, I felt like I was there.
So glad you were able to “go there” with me, Shannon. We can all benefit from such displays of courage.
This touches me on so many levels! It feels like I daily get frustrated with my kids for littlest of things when all I really need to do is be their Mom. Stop what I think is so important and dive into their world to find out what they need. Not to mention that I pray I will never again judge a parent for a screaming child ever again. I’ve become better with that after my kids hit the toddler stage because, frankly, I don’t much care (depending on the situation) if my kid is expressing his emotions loudly. Lol but a great post, thank you for sharing!
Right there with you, Maegan. Thank you for sharing here.
My first thought is how quick we are to mis-judge the situation going on. No doubt this mother has faced similar situations before, she knows what to do. How easy it is to frown, or express in words or actions our displeasure with what is going on. To tell the truth I’ve often felt like acting out, screaming, crying while huddled on the floor and hoping someone would care enough to just sit by me, hold me and whisper, “It’s ok, I’m here for you.” We don’t have to be a child with a disability to feel hopeless and out of control of a situation. It’s what I did when I learned of my son’s suicide, this was something I could not control, it was too hard to understand, the words had to be repeated, “He took his own life.” Why? Why God? I am the Mama with a son who has killed himself, how do I go on? How do I continue living, with my son gone. I’ve faced death before, and it was hard, but this….there are no words to describe it.
Shirley, I just want to say that my heart goes out to you. There are simply no other words, since anyone who has never experienced this could ever understand what you’re going through. What you need a soft place to land where there are no expectations of how you “should be” handling your loss.You just need your support system to love you through it. A piece of your heart is gone and life is forever changed, and you need to surround yourself with people who will support you as you take steps toward going on with life and discovering your new “normal”. Most of all, remember that God cares and feels your hurt through it all. Lean on Him. Tell him how you’re feeling day by day, and He can help you through it. He already knows exactly what’s going on in your heart, but it’s good for you to talk it out with Him. You are in my prayers.
Oh Shirley, I am so sorry. As Nicole said, there really are no words. But even this, sharing your hurt here, letting it be seen, is grieving bravely. Praying you know His nearness now, even amidst the pain.
Beautiful and wise, Katie. Am sending this to my sister, who loves bravely like this. Thanks.
Thank you for sharing, Cheryl.