I used to believe you had to go through things before you could fully understand them. You had to live them before you could write or talk about them. You couldn’t shed light until you crossed the threshold and arrived on the other side.
I once read a book called Trim Healthy Mama. (Little known fact, I have a part time job as a diet coach and occasionally read diet books in my spare time. And I quite enjoy it. But that has nothing to do with anything.)
In the beginning of the book the authors talk about the different eating plans and models they have followed throughout the years. They discuss how their strategies and convictions in regards to food have shifted and changed a bit. While I wasn’t yet writing at the time, I remember making a mental note – don’t write about it until you are sure you’ve got the strategy figured out, until you have crossed the threshold.
I like that mental note, prefer it actually. When we are in the throws of learning, it’s often messy.
I don’t always (ever?) like to show off my messy. My kids wake up all bed head and crusty eyes and I shine them up before we run to town. If you come to my house for dinner I can guarantee the floors and counters, the bathrooms and windows will look like they do only 5% of the time. And that may be a hopeful approximation. Because real life is messy.
And then I feel called to write about courage and brave. And, dear God, I may never be able to write the words, because can I tell you this is hard? So, so hard at times.
I’m speaking at my church this weekend. I don’t go to a small church. Not a mega-church by any stretch, but quite sizable for where I live. Probably the biggest crowd I’ve ever spoken to.
And the things I want to speak about are fighting me big. The lies I don’t want you to believe are screaming loud. And it’s rattling me. Because, I’m only a stay at home mom of four kids, you know. I have no credentials. I’m only 35. How could I possibly understand anything of being brave when people fight Goliaths ten time taller than mine?
And the fear is real. I’ve mastered nothing, crossed no threshold. I’m living scared, fully aware of my weakness.
But somehow, amidst the shakiness, amidst the fear that feels crippling and makes me want to feign the bird flu or a rare and contagious disease, I am aware that the words that I write and speak are the words I need as much as (more than?) anyone else.
The same power that rose Jesus from the dead dwells in me. Romans 8:11
I believe this.
We are more than conquerers through Him who loved us. Romans 8:37
I believe this.
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:8
I believe this. I really do.
More than the shaking, the sweating, the turning in my stomach, even in the reality of all that, I know and believe Truth. I’m not enough. But He is. His power is made perfect in my weakness. And yours. That weakness that lies right in front us.
I’ve crossed no thresholds, friends. Or when I feel, for a moment, as if I might have, He seems to have another one waiting for me. Growing my brave, one step at a time.
And so I will keep stepping and I pray you will too. Growing a mustard seed kind of faith, always and only, because of Him.
Yes! Jesus has experienced much greater giants and has all of the experience we need! He will give us the words to speak; bathe it in prayer for weeks before, because it’s His Holy Spirit that’s going to make the difference anyway. Whenever I stand up to speak or sing, I just remind myself that I’m there to get across a message, and I don’t want to distract or interfere with it…it’s more important for them to get what God wants, than to be focusing on how nervous I am!
Thank you for this encouragement and wisdom, Liz. It reached me just as I’m preparing for another speaking engagement. Timely. <3
Katie you did an awesome job this morning!! You proved once again how BRAVE you are. Thank you for sharing your bravery with us!! Bless you
Thank you, Barb! Always and only brave because of Him. <3
You’ve got this mama! God wants to use your voice to encourage your church in a fresh new way and the enemy is doing everything to discourage you. I’m doing something similar this weekend. Praying for you now!
Wisdom, Jenny! Praying your weekend was blessed as well.
Michelle!!! You are awesome! Humor- it’s like a balm.
You’ll be great Katie. Do for all us chickens that would rather streak around the church naked then speak. I will be praying🙏🏻
Side note: when you two left the other day, I realized we are definite “old friends”. My house was a mess & I was not much better. Thanks for the drop in! We need to do it more often.
Hugs
Blessed to be an old friend. <3
When I gave my commencement speech in high school to the crammed full Wapato high school gym, my legs lost their strength and I could hardly stand….. my butt cheeks were literally vibrating….it took all I had to control my convulsions!!! When I stepped up to the microphone I realized how little I was…. You have access to a much Higher Power than I even understood in my pre-Jesus loving days!!! You will be great….and if you get nervous, just think, at least my buttcheeks aren’t vibrating….or wear a graduation gown, it hides all. 😉
Oh. My. Goodness. I’m going to try so very hard not to think about this on Sunday. But if you ever glimpse a small, unexplainable smile…well, you will know what I’m thinking. Your unmatched honesty never ceases to amaze me. Love you, friend.
I appreciate your post, and love the picture of your mustard seed jar. If we could depend on God and collect mustard seeds–tiny grains of faith–one by one, imagine how many mountains we could move in His name. Praying for you and the conference this weekend!
What vision, Katy! I was just hoping for one for now! 🙂 I so appreciate your prayers.
I love the honesty and transparency. The enemy is always there trying to derail where God is taking us. I can see you are grounded in truth. I’ll be praying for you and too would love to be in attendance to hear what God will reveal through you. God bless!
Your words and your prayers are gift, Jeri. Thank you!
Nicely written Katie. Can’t wait to hear you on Sunday. I will cheer for you. I can bring pom poms if you like. I have them.
Ha! Having you in my corner means the world to me, Dorris! <3
Oh, Katie. Your heart is the sweetest. I want to sit in your kitchen and drink coffee with you. Because you’re so real and I crave that. So, if I lived closer, you best believe I’d be cheering you on at your church this weekend. You’re going to rock it. Thanks for sharing your heart here.
On an unrelated note, I eat Trim Healthy Mama style thanks to being diagnosed with mega food allergies. Their plan keeps me sane, and I feel so much better when I follow it closely.
I don’t doubt that, Alison. Some day there will be coffee; I’m convinced of it! Thanks for your support, friend.
And I’m glad THM has worked well for you. Such a solid eating plan!
You’re so brave by being honest and real. That’s a big part of bravery 🙂
Praying that you have a fabulous time this weekend at your speaking engagement and that you just let the Lord speak through you and that you are able to listen to what He’s whispering to you so that you can share the message with others that need to hear it !
Have fun !!!
Thanks so much for your prayers, Jenn!
I love this! I’ll pray for your speaking time. You are so inspirational! 🙂
Thank you, Kelly. You are a continual encouragement to me!
Thank you for your honesty and that is precisely why you are brave. Being real is no easy thing. Being real as you say is messy. I’m talking the tears and trembling kind of messy. But you are doing exactly what God wants you to do and there in, in Him, lies the power and the courage and the wisdom. You got this! – Amy
http://www.stylingrannymama.com
Thank you so much for your kind words, Amy. You all make me brave. <3
a LOT of times God waits for us to be finished with our own ways…
I wish I was quicker to learn that. 🙂
Love and praying for you!!! It’s His anointing, the power of His Holy Spirit, that makes the difference.
So many thank yous, Mom!
Thanks for your vulnerability! I always feel like a herd of buffalos have been let loose in my stomach before I stand up to speak. And then God somehow instantly tames them as soon as I set foot on stage. Who knew He was a buffalo trainer? Praying God will use you mightily this weekend!
A herd of buffalos. I promise I’ll remember that Sunday morning, Sue. 🙂 And thank you so very much for your prayers.