I remember the conversation like it was yesterday. We were 5 or 6 young moms, chatting. I was new to the mix, included primarily because I was now a certified mama in my own right, baby carrier and all. These events bond you like I had never before realized, baby carriers acting as new friend magnets.
The discussion drifted towards motherhood as it often does in such a group and one mom began telling her story. She had several kids already so I naturally assumed she was more of a mom than I was (why do we do that anyway? As if one child makes a half mom, two is good, three is REALLY a mom and don’t mess with the 4+ mother-of-a-small-village people. Seriously who creates these random and ridiculous thoughts which lie just under the surface to taunt us, whatever stage we’re at? Can we just settle that once and for all? Got a kid? Fully mama. Now let’s all just go work that out as best as we can. The end.)
Ahem, sorry.
Anyhow, this mama begins sharing a bit of her life story – where she grew up, how she met her spouse and how from the time she was a little girl she always dreamed of being a mommy. School was fine and college was good but for this girl, she was biding time to get married and raise a family, following her deep calling to be a mother.
Her words were authentic and genuine and flew at me like a bowling ball. What a gift to give her children, this mama had. How beautiful would it be to honestly tell your children “you are what I dreamed about since I was a little girl”. And oh, how I’ve already failed my baby in the carrier because I can’t say those words. I didn’t dream those dreams. I’m the girl who wrote out a 5 and 10 year plan on New Years of my first year married and completely forgot to include having kids. And I actually hesitated for a second, wondering if it was worth re-writing my fabulous plan to add them. That’s how much motherhood was on mind.
Our ability in life to make a story, someone else’s story, about us is incredible. Our ability to find guilt in the most genuine of places is extraordinary. Look at that mom being, awesome, like I AM NOT. Look at that woman striving hard to live intentionally; I’m a wreck. Look at that family doing devotions and all that good stuff together. We are a fail!
I know we talked about this last week, but I’m not ready to let it go yet. Your story, the one you are living out today, is beautiful. Sure it has ups and downs and all kinds of messes – like every other person out there – but how better might redemption be revealed? How better to see Providence in all of it? If we are focused on someone else’s story, someone else’s awesome, we’ll miss out on what is going on right in front of us, our own unique and beautiful story.
Clearly, I re-wrote the 5 and 10 year plan. Actually, God did, in ways I never would have expected. And regardless of what I dreamed about when I was a little girl, of New York City high rises and business lunches, I’m here. Doing this mama thing with all of my heart, working through messes, and doing it all for the glory of my Creator, just like some girl in NYC may be doing right now as well.
I don’t know the plans He has for you, friend. Clearly, I don’t know all the plans He has for me. But don’t get bogged down by someone else’s awesome, someone else’s story, someone else’s dream. You have your own story. Own it, and live it bravely. Chase your own dream. I am convinced there is no better way to do it.
Hi Katie! I have run across your site a couple times recently. Would so appreciate your insight! My name is Stef Thompson, I am a pastor’s wife and we do retreats each year for our womens’ ministry. This year our theme is ‘Stories of Redemption and Grace” and we will have some ladies giving their testimonies as well as Scripture, questions, discussion to help the attedees share their own story. Our Primary focus – How they came to know Jesus and what God has done in their life recently. The salvation testimony is easier to explain and do, however, how do you help people see or notice the ways that God is working in their lives currently? Sometimes people can be blind to this…heavens, sometimes I can be blind to it! We will be talking about “grace” – How have you seen God’s favor in your life and what does that teach you about Him? Any other suggestions? Thanks so much!
Stef, these are such great questions! The ladies you are leading are going to be blessed by how much you are thinking through this process. Hopefully your small group time will help flesh some of this out. Last year at our women’s retreat we discussed using our gifts for God’s glory and I was surprised how many women were unable to identify their gifts. Other women in the group (who knew them) jumped in and helped them uncover them and it worked beautifully. It may work the very same way for discussing what God has done in your life. However, most of us have gone through very challenging seasons that feel like “God, where are you?!?”. Those seasons, when we are in the thick of a storm, look more like trusting that He IS good even when our circumstance FEEL otherwise. So you might be prepared to address that as well. I have a soft spot for women’s retreats so if I can be of any further help, feel free to e-mail me! (katie@ichoosebrave(dot)com)
Thanks, Katie! This is a great post! Comparing ourselves to others or a previous plan we may have for our lives can be such a huge temptation and so flawed. Additionally, it leads us to one of two conclusions: 1) we are worse than others; or 2) we are better than others. I am well past child rearing and now enjoying six grandchildren and I can say without hesitation that only the Lord knows the design for each of us and He is the only merciful and just judge.
God’s best to you!
Pam
So much wisdom there, Paula; thank you! I once heard Beth Moore say (and I’m paraphrasing) self-doubt and self-importance are both still a focus on self. That was eye opening for me. Trusting God’s design right along with you. <3
I have done that…I have 4 kids and have looked at the mom of 7 and thought how great she must be, and I can hardly keep it together with 4. Thanks for the encouraging word!
Me too, Valerie! It’s such a fruitless game we play, huh? Thanks for stopping by!
God re-wrote my story as well, and it has taken me on quite an unexpected adventure (in a good way). It’s amazing how the “grass is always greener,” then when you make yourself stop and think about God’s goodness in your life, yours actually turns out a little better than what you saw on the “other side of the fence.”
So very true, Ashlee! May we never be so distracted that we fail to see that goodness. Thanks so much for stopping by!
It is so easy to get distracted by other peoples dreams! I have been guilty of this many times. I actually use to be bad about it. Blogging included. I would spend my time looking at everyone elses blogs and end up deleting my whole website because mine did not look like everyone elses.
God grabbed ahold of me, and now I see that I am unique just like you and everyone else and that my purpose is not the same as anyone elses, and that it is my individuality and my own story that will help me shine the light on my God! <3
It is time consuming, depressing, and very unproductive!
Thank you for another beautiful post!
Thank you for sharing this, Jae Marie! I so appreciate your honesty and admire your courage in using your unique story to shine His light. That is the best kind of beautiful!
This is lovely, I pinned it up.
Thank you for sharing your sincere reflections.
Blessings to you
Thank you so much for stopping by, Ifeoma. Blessings to you as well!
This message is coming through loud and clear today.
Funny how that works, isn’t it? Thanks for reading!
Simply beautiful and so true, Katie. It’s amazing how we can get so easily get derailed and start comparing ourselves to others, instead of enjoying the awesome work He is doing in our own lives.
Sometimes, we hardly notice we’re losing focused and getting derailed. I need the reminder as much as anyone. 🙂
Love this! Sharing our story is so important to bring God glory!
Thank you, Aly. You do this so well. <3
What a lovely, transparent, and honest post! I believe our stories are what God uses to draw other people to Himself. The ways He works in our lives, the highs, the lows, the messes and the joys all combine to make up our stories. I wrote about my story today…anorexia, trials and God’s presence. Stopping from #GraceTruth.
I couldn’t agree more, Leah. His story, His grace, revealed through our own. Thanks for stopping by. Heading over to read your story as well!
Funny how I happen on these at just the right time. Your stories bless and encourage me. Thank you neighbor.
Emily, thank you. That is always my prayer, that my words might reach just one person who needs them today. <3
Great post. I wrote about sharing your story and why it matters today. Great minds…;)
In case you wanna read: http://unveiledandrevealed.com
Timely, I guess Brianna. I’ll head over and read it. Thanks for sharing!