As soon as I stepped in the shower I noticed it. The empty shampoo bottle that never gets thrown away. It’s been sitting there for about 2 weeks now. And it taunts me.
Because who leaves an empty shampoo bottle in their shower?
Yet, by the time I notice it I’m all wet and don’t want to get out and toss it in the trash. I could of course grab it on my way out of the shower, but that never seems to work either. Somehow amidst grabbing a towel, wrapping up in a robe and squeegeeing the glass I completely forget about the shampoo bottle and so it waits there, patiently, ready to taunt me again tomorrow.
You’re quite the mess when you can’t even remember to toss an empty shampoo bottle, right? And so everyday I stare down that stupid shampoo bottle and let it ruin my shower.
As I prepare for the most wonderful time of the year, fill my house with twinkly lights and all sorts of glittery decor I’m reminded that there will be empty shampoo bottles, dozens of them, in varying forms.
The anticipation, the traditions, the hopes and the expectations that come with this season are part of what make it so special. It’s sentimental, it’s warm and fuzzy, it’s memories and feelings from our own childhood that we are trying to re-create or redeem or best.
Quickly we take this simple holiday, this simple remembrance and turn it into a machine of expectation and performance. Because who doesn’t want to make great memories with their kids – decorate cute gingerbread houses, read all the nostalgic Christmas books, and have the perfect advent devotions? Who doesn’t want to find the perfect gift, guaranteed to delight the people we care about most, and pull off an amazing Christmas meal, a perfect holiday party, at the same time?
I get it. I so get it. I often operate in that “if a little is good, then more is better” mindset.
But somehow, all of those good and lovely things become tainted when we are pushing and fighting and fussing to fit them all in. We make strained memories rather than lovely ones. Expectations become empty shampoo bottles that taunt us and we fail to truly enjoy it all.
3 Ways to Give Yourself Grace this Christmas
Hold Traditions Loosely
I absolutely love traditions. I love the memories they create and the bonds they build within our families. The creative and amazing ideas on social media get me all giddy – elf on the shelf, advent calendars, cookie decorating, gingerbread houses and don’t forget to sleep under the tree, in your matching Christmas jammies and grab a cute photo while you’re at it! But traditions exist to build bonds, not bondage. Do you hear me? Some years, the way we have always done it, might not work. And what if “the one year we….ate pizza on Christmas…skipped advent all together…decorated store bought cookies” becomes the funny memory that gets re-told for years? Traditions are all kinds of fun, but don’t let them drag you down with the weight of expectation.
Value Relationship
I don’t care to admit how often I mess this up. I hosted my first Thanksgiving this year and the morning of, I got this sweet message from a friend. “As you cook your first Thanksgiving remember that hospitality is much more about making people feel loved and welcomed than impressed by your cooking/decorating abilities. You got this.” Little did she know that I would be the awesome rookie chef who forgot to take the giblets out of the turkey. Clearly, everyone was impressed with my cooking skills. But her words are wisdom. True hospitality, is not found in flawless celebrations, a perfect meal or beautifully decorated home, it is found in relationship. Be an agent of grace this holiday. Value relationship.
Give Bravely
Gifts and shopping can produce the ugliest of monsters. When budgets and expectations collide it can be explosive. Not to mention that gift giving often carries with it a degree of vulnerability. Don’t feed the monster; give bravely. This year, after listening to this podcast (the second half took my breath away. And, sidenote, I can’t get enough of her Christmas cd! It’s incredible.), I was inspired to buy a bunch of amaryllises and give them away. Except, at the last minute, I started feeling vulnerable and second-guessing myself. What if they don’t get it? What if they don’t like amaryllises? What if the flower doesn’t bloom or they think these are old lady flowers?
And then I realized that I was a tiny bit scared to be this kind of vulnerable, to give a gift that I thought was super special knowing that someone else might not get it.
But that all sounded kind of familiar. Do you see it?
A tiny, humble baby. The Son of God. The Greatest Gift.
God knew He would be rejected by some. That they just wouldn’t get it. But He gave. The world was forever changed, because He gave.
My gifts, simple gifts will never carry that weight, they pale in comparison. But my prayer is that they always point my heart, our hearts, toward Him – the One who gave the perfect gift.
So this is my start, the start for all of us, to a grace-filled Christmas. Bravely laying aside expectation, worrying less about what doesn’t get done, placing a priority on relationship and giving brave. Now excuse me while I go toss that empty shampoo bottle in the trash.
Love your reminder about traditions. I come from a family that looooves our traditions 🙂 This is my hubby’s and my first Christmas alone with just the two of us, so I’m eager to find some of our own traditions to begin for our little family. But it’s also good to be reminded that relationship should come above all of it – the traditions and the expectations. This Christmas will be a learning one for us!
Yes, Ashley, exactly! I am dozen years into some of these traditions with kids – and I love them – but this year (and looking ahead to the next) I keep feeling like some of them are getting “messed up”. But that is a mindset. Sometimes they are just different and I need to remember that can beautiful too. Wishing you a wonderful Christmas with your husband!
Great advice, dear Katie! I’m all for giving grace and embracing imperfections this time of year. I’d lose my sanity if I didn’t feel that way! 😛 <3
I so needed this reminder tonight Katie, thank you! Hospitality is about relationships … I must remember this as we go into this season … I will check out that podcast too – it sounds lovely! I love that quote about traditions too – such wisdom!
I love that these words found you right when you needed them, Sam! God is pretty awesome at that kind of stuff isn’t he? 🙂 I hope you love that podcast as much as I did!
Thank you so much for this post. I needed to hear this! I am truly thankful for your words of wisdom and encouragement.
Such kind words, Miesha. Thank you. It truly is my pleasure.
Katie, love your quote, “Holiday traditions are meant to build bonds, not bring bondage.” For those of us alone for Christmas, our children too far away or with families too large to travel to grandma’s much smaller house, the absence of once-familiar traditions is difficult to accept. But in that loneliness, I have learned the value of being present in the moments as they are made available to me. In stead of my circle growing smaller, it actually can become bigger, as I pray for God to enlarge my heart to accept what is happening in my now. Perhaps it is in the stillness of my empty house, as I read His word, listen for His still small voice, or soak in His presence. Perhaps, it is in the solitude, where I can praise God aloud for His revealed truth to me. More and more I find myself walking around my dining room table or throughout the rooms of my home, recounting His promises to me and the truth that His word will prevail. What He says, He will perform. Or, perhaps it is in those moments, I connect with a friend or family member on the phone, at an event or church, through a text, or a chance meeting in a store, or wherever it may come about. Making the most of those moments and relationships with God and others, my heart begins to overflow, not with sadness, but with thankfulness for the gift that each unique person is to me, and yes, I am to him/her through Christ. And I am satisfied. Life does change, old traditions are set aside for the creation of God’s new thing. Psalm 142:7 is one of my favorite verses: “The righteous shall surround me, For You shall deal bountifully with me.” You, dear Katie, are one of those standing now in the ever expanding circle God is fashioning to surround me, as I stand in yours. It is what our good God does for His children.
enjoying the quiet to be still in God’s presence, listening for His voice or guidance. people with whom we do connect.
Wow, thank you for this beautiful reminder, Nancy, that the changing and shifting happens at so many different stages of life. You are doing this bravely and beautifully. <3
I love the part about traditions. My husband and I haven’t ever formed hard and fast traditions, but now that we have a child, I have been feeling a little guilty about not having any special traditions to pass on. I know we have plenty of time to create traditions, but I also appreciate your reminder, it is about bonding, which we always do make a priority; we just do it different every year.
Oh and the shampoo bottle! Here is my tip. When you see it sitting there empty, drop it on the floor right outside the shower (like on your bath mat). An empty bottle on the floor is out of a place and is a reminder when you step out of the shower. I have been doing this for years and have never forgotten to throw it away.
So, I’m not even going to wonder why I’m 36 years old and haven’t figured that one out yet. Instead I’ll just say thank you, Kira! Brilliant!
Katie, I love this! Thanks for the encouragement! Spot on, as always.
Thank you, Kelly. Merry Christmas, friend!
What a wise and encouraging word, Katie!
Thank you for sharing these reminders and ways we can give ourselves more grace this Christmas!
Sure do appreciate you and all of the ways you point people to Christ.
Your life is a blessing~
Melanie
Thank you, Melanie! Your continual encouragement is grace to me. <3
I have gotten so wrapped up in “pleasing” my family, feeling so burdened by the weight of high expectations that the JOY has nearly left, THANK You for the reminder of what’s most important, truly needed it!
You are not alone, Virginia. It happens so gradually we barely realize that we are gasping for air sometimes. Wishing you the courage to say some brave no’s when necessary and keep fighting for joy this Christmas!
This was exactly what I needed to read tonight! And thanks for the Christy Nockels podcast recommendation. Gonna listen to it tomorrow! 🙂 Merry Christmas!
I hope you love Christ Nockels as much as I do, Harmony. Her podcast is like sitting down with a good friend. Merry Christmas to you as well!
Oh I so relate to the empty shampoo bottle, of course now I’m the only one using the shower and the shampoo so ….I’m the only one to throw the empty container away. How I procrastinate in doing this simple job. It sits there as I step into the shower, and like you, I’m wiping down the shower door, wrapping myself in the towel etc. and there sits the empty shampoo bottle…oh well I’ll get it when I do my cleaning! But somehow it gets overlooked again, and again, now I just consider it a decorator item so it can stay where its at, it’s just not important in the total scheme of life. If I never get rid of it and a dozen others…who cares? My kids might notice it if they stay over some weekend, and maybe they’ll even pick it up and throw it/or they away, thinking, “Poor Mom, she just doesn’t notice things like this anymore! So be it….
Love and blessings!
Shirley McMahan
I laughed out when I read “decorator item”, Shirley. Life might be seriously less stressful if I just applied that logic and that title to a host of things! Thank for your encouraging perspective.