How to Love Your Husband Well this Valentine’s Day

The brief snippet on the radio, the tail end of a quick advertisement, caught my attention.  “Order your singing telegrams for Valentine’s Day!”  How fun is that? I thought to myself.

And that right there, is where I sometimes go wrong.  It sounds like such a fun idea.  To me.

I couldn’t dial quickly enough.  I placed my order immediately.

Love is blind.

Fast forward a few weeks and the boy I was crazy about was sitting in class at the trade school he was attending.  Now, for those of you who are somewhat naive about trade schools, as I very much was at the time, they aren’t exactly like college classes.  They offer different degrees and programs and they tend to have a more varied clientele as well.  Kids fresh out of high school sit next to 40 year olds who are transitioning in the workforce.  It can be a bit of a mixed bag.

My Valentine was 19 at the time, parked amongst this mixed group of men, youngish and oldish, when a barber shop quartet, strode through the door, interrupting the packed classroom.

Apparently the school had no protocol for such a request and they weren’t interested in arguing with this spiffy group of men garbed in pin-striped suits and top hats, so they let them do as they pleased.  Unintimidated by the somewhat untraditional audience, the four gray haired men confidently pulled a chair front and center and asked Ross Westenberg if he might come forward.

 

Love is patient.

Now you should know the receiver of my gift enjoys the spotlight about as much as skunks love daylight, which makes this all seem like a very bad idea all these years later when I think it through.  But somehow I didn’t really think it through at the time.  I just kind of stopped at the “how fun is that?” part.

Void of a place to hide, my Valentine sat obediently and tried his best to smile through the group’s acapella version of You Are My Sunshine.  He was gritting his teeth through the second and third songs, as he watched students from other classes crowd the door, trying to catch a glimpse of this show.  By the fourth and final song  (I got my money’s worth, right?) he was fighting to avoid all eye contact, mentally pleading for it all to be over soon.

What an incredible way to tell someone you love them, right? I was later informed that there truly could not have been a more embarrassing setting for which to send a singing telegram.  Who knew?

 

Love keeps no record of wrongs.

It is no small miracle that a few years later I vowed to be that man’s wife and never again affirm my love by way of a singing telegram.  For going on 17 years I’ve kept that promise.  But the memory is good reminder just the same.

Sometimes we love like a mis-leading beach house advertisement.  You know the ones with the  “partial ocean view” that you nearly have to climb the roof and stand on one leg atop the chimney to see?  Sometimes we love from that limited perspective.

It is easy, natural even, to love from our own narrow viewpoint.  But it is worth pressing pause there and asking,  what might love truly look like, to someone else?

How might you love your husband well today?  How would that look, to him?  It’s a question worth asking.  And if you have any doubts, maybe just pass on the singing telegram idea.

 

The Challenge!

So here is what I propose.  At the helm of the month in which we celebrate Valentine’s Day, I’m throwing down a challenge.  A 5-day challenge to revive your marriage and love your husband well.  To give focus and attention to one of our most foundational relationships.

The truth is, we give our time and energy away to all kinds of different things.  We give it to our work and our kids, to our church, the PTA, those boards and co-ops and other groups we serve.  We choose all kinds of things to give our time and affections to.  But how often do we stand tall, look our husbands in they eye and say I Choose You?

I’m a little bit convicted here, friends.  Life is distracting.  All the things are distracting.  And marriages really do die from lack of attention.  So join me in taking action against that.  I’ve been working on some simple, straight forward and fun ways we can say I Choose You.  It comes in the form of a 5-day challenge.  So if you want to sharpen your skills, if you want to revive your marriage this Valentine’s Day and love your husband well, join us for this 5-day challenge and tell your husband, I Choose You.

Click here to sign up for the challenge!