As I transitioned from a mother of one child to two, two to three and so forth, there was one aspect of managing my small brood that always got me hot and bothered. Running errands.
Small feats felt like a victory as a young mom adding people to my tribe and I was always wondering, “Can I really do this? Can I really pull this off?”
I clearly remember the first time I loaded up a fairly new baby #2 and her older brother for a grocery shopping trip. Dad was back to work by now and I was flying solo, managing twice as many children as I had in the past. I was throwing fist pumps in the air after that trip to the store. Amazed that I could do this. I could really do this!
And then there was baby #3 and #4. And the same uncertainty came each time. Where will I put each kid? Will they hang off the cart or in the basket? If I let them out of the cart, what if they run away? If I put them in the cart where will I put the groceries? Motherhood can be tricky, a game of skill and strategy at times, yet somehow we all figure it out. The groceries get bought and very few toddlers get lost in the process.
But just when you think you’ve mastered this balance of kids and errands, grocery carts and bread that is not completely squashed by the time you got home (I have paid for more than my share of squashed loaves, friends), looms the greatest challenge of all. Someone needs to go potty. Oh, the horror.
When my kids were younger, just as moms have been doing for decades now, I made them all empty their bladders before leaving the house. I would then proceed to temporarily dehydrate them, limiting all liquids until we were on the return portion of our shopping trip, because, the bathroom.
I have four kids, bookend boys and a pair of girls in the middle. And there is just one of me.
Nothing sent stress straight up my spine like one of the kids piping up with “Mommy, I need to go potty.” Of course these events never come with much advance notice from young children. Like a siren going off in their body, the grabbing and tugging and leg crossing ensues and as a mama you have minutes, minutes, before you have even bigger problems.
So your heart starts racing.
Which kids do you leave out, which kids do you take in. Is the oldest boy too old to go in the women’s restroom, because he’s not exactly little anymore. But is he old enough to stay with the baby, because he’s not exactly big yet. Should I make the middle girls go in without me even though they still cry for fear of getting sucked in when those industrial toilets automatically flush?
It’s not easy, people, and yet we figure out a way. I’ve been fearful and kept my eye on my watch knowing if my kid does not come out of that restroom in 10 more seconds I have no problem charging in, cart and all. I’ve left the biggest kid with the littlest and I’ve stood with a foot in the door, scanning like a hawk in a feeble attempt to keep an eye on all my offspring.
And mostly, these are just my mama bear instincts, right? Because mostly, bathrooms are safe a place. Or they were, until recently.
The decision to mandate gender neutral bathrooms in my state just took this game to a whole new level. Target, a favorite store among so many of us moms, just published this statement a few days ago, stating that they stand for inclusivity. That’s nice and all, but what about standing for the protection of our children?
It frustrates me that a discussion about the vulnerability and protection of our children has become mired into a discussion of hateful discrimination. Can we please just set the gender-neutral argument aside for a moment?
Child predators are a real problem. We see this played out in the news over and over again. No state is exempt. Not too long ago there was a local story of a man caught in a women’s dressing room. Through further investigation it was found he was taking photos under the stalls. He was caught because he was out of place. Hello, man in the women’s dressing room! Red flag, right?
Well now he may as well walk himself right over to the restrooms because the red flag over there has now been removed.
The possibility of such cases is very real. Stores such as Target stand proud of their stance for inclusion, but it is inclusion at a cost. Inclusion at a risk to the most vulnerable in our society.
As a mom, I don’t even know what this looks like for me. The bathroom stress has just entered a whole new category. But what I do know is that we cannot allow distraction from the heart of the argument. I’m not a hater, I’m not discriminatory because I want to protect my children. Stand for inclusion all you want Target, but please realize and admit what you are risking in the process.
May we not live fearful, mamas, but brave enough to boldly stand up for the defenseless, who we are so blessed to have in our care.
Bravely,
UPDATE 3/23: If you are looking for a way to voice your concerns, American Family Association has started a petition to boycott Target. Find it by simply clicking here. It literally takes 30 seconds to join forces with the brave individuals who are letting Target know that inclusion really does come at cost.
I love the beginning of your post. It made me smile because I go through the same thing with my two little ones. I still do get a little scared when taking them both out (my husband is an expert though).
In a more seriours note, I do agree with you on the inclusion policies. My main concern our my children and I as it is I don’t like to take them to public restrooms but this just makes it all worse.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this!
I would have said in the past that it was simply a matter of do you sit or stand to pee? That use to be enough of an answer. I’ve flashed back reading your articles! I remember all those errand trips!! I have a daughter with special needs whose twenty-two, I still go with her scanning with my eyes. Now I have grandkids boys and girls. Problems again but now different. The standard use to be across the board “in the best interest of the child”! No matter what you were talking about. But it seems as though that is not the priority anymore. Concerned over being sued over everyone’s rights. Well we’ve gone too far and for me if you don’t have a single bathroom that I can take everyone in and shut the door then I will not be supporting you’re establishment as a patron. Just remodel all bathrooms to be individualy served!!! Making a note of which bathrooms are where and there I’ll go. Too much retail competition to risk kids lives!! By the way well said!!
I signed the boycott pledge today. There are many who believe as you do. This IS an issue. There is a moral right and wrong here, period.
Let’s say the law says you have to use the bathroom of the gender you were born. Couldn’t a male predator say he was born a woman to gain access to the women’s bathroom?
These pedophiles don’t just prey on women and girls. What about our boys’ safety that has been in danger all this time?
Wouldn’t unisex bathrooms make things safer since parents with children of the opposite sex can now be in the bathroom with their children to protect them?
I’ve been in bathrooms and dressing rooms with privacy stalls that make it near impossible to peep through or over. What if we made unisex bathrooms with such privacy stalls?
Truly, this is a non-issue. Sin or not, we have been sharing bathrooms with every kind of person since bathrooms were created. Separating bathrooms by gender hasn’t kept boys from being molested in them or stopped a woman being sexually assaulted by a man in the woman’s bathroom.
This is a brave stance Katie. Proud of you. I’m sure this was not an easy post. I believe we can all have our own opinions & still respectfully disagree w/ one another.
😊
Despite my fondness for Target, I have signed the pledge to boycott them until they reverse their policy.
Thank you for taking a stand. I think we would all agree we are not out to discriminate, we are out to protect! When the disabilities act came into play, bathrooms had to be changed to enable those who were handicapped to navigate them safely. Why can’t the same process go on here, except with mandating single person bathrooms, or bathrooms just for transgender or something? There has to be a better way! – Amy
http://www.stylingrannymama.com
My thoughts exactly. You put it so well. So many people disagree with us and are very very vocal on social media in response to my own posts. Sodom and Gomorrah are on my mind a lot these days.
It has gotten to the point where if you have an opinion, which you are always entitled to, you are called a “hater” it is the most ridiculous use of the word! I am not a radical conservative or a Puritan, but my opinions are based on the bible & old fashioned common sense, which is not so “common” anymore. I am genuinely scared for the babies growing up in this upside-down country.
Call me whatever, but for the time being, I will not be patronizing Target stores – I think it’s terrible the way things are going with that
I understand your point, but what about people who have fully transitioned? I feel like I would be more uncomfortable if a person who looked like a man walked into my bathroom due to the fact the law dictates that he cannot go to the bathroom of the gender they have chosen. I would assume that person is a pedophile more than someone who has transitioned and is using the bathroom of their chosen gender. I’m sure you’ve been in the bathroom with a transgender person at least once and haven’t even realized.
In England it is very common to have neutral bathrooms, but everyone has a private stall. There are many places who have family bathrooms including Target which could be renamed a neutral bathroom. It is designed for only one person/family at a time. It is not discrimination when they have a bathroom to use, what is discrimination is saying we as women and men have no voice in this matter. To make this fair, build private bathrooms within stores for everyone to use with a door no one can see anything with and a parent can stand outside that way it won’t matter who uses what, but EVERYONE is safe. Until then I will not shop at Target and I cancelled my membership to Planet Fitness until NO one is at risk.
Very well said!!! I don’t understand why such a small percentage of the population is dictating the standards for everyone!?!
That sounds like a very plausible solution, Sheila.
I guess I’m just a little confused at the argument here. If you are concerned about people taking advantage of gender neutral bathrooms, why don’t you bring them all in with you? It does seem like a lot of people, but it seemed your main concern was whether or not it would be appropriate for a boy that is not little anymore to be in the same restroom as his mother. Seems to me that your job just got a little easier.
Also, are you only worried about men taking advantage of women/children? Because if that is your concern, which bathroom does your son use? Everyone has to go potty, and I don’t think public restrooms have ever really been completely safe.
I understand your concerned for your children. Let’s all try to work together to find a solution. Do you have any ideas?
I really don’t think transgenders fit in the same category as pedophiles. I truly wish there was a bathroom just for “in betweeners” but there’s not. When my son was young, I hated it that he would go in a public restroom by himself. Predators don’t necessarily have lipstick on. They might look like the guy next door!
I agree, Debbie, predators may look very much like the guy next door. And I hope you don’t misunderstand this post to be putting transgenders and pedophiles in the same category. That was never stated or insinuated.
I completely & totally agree with you. I have 3 girls & a boy and I have issues when my boy age 9 needs to go. It freaks me out to let him go in alone . I will be emailing Target as well, because we moms must have a voice just as loud as these other people demanding that they be accommodated to whatever they are “”identifying” on any particular day. My daughters should not be forced to be in a restroom alongside a grown man dressed as a woman. I am motivated by remember the quote that says “The world will not be destroyed by those who do evil but by those who witness it & do nothing” People with common sense who are not afraid to speak up are becoming rare in our society and it really scares me …
Love your quote at the end. Whose is it?
It is a quote
from Albert Einstein.
I am boycotting Target till they get a third type of bathroom or change their stance back to men’s and ladies’ restrooms. The safety of children matters more to me than whatever I could buy at Target, although it is one of my favorite stores. There is a time and place for simple common sense… and for valuing our children over the opinions of a few grownups who want to put them at risk.
I can’t believe we are even talking “inclusion.” It’s crazy. I think the cost should be at Target’s expense and any other place that decides to takes that view. We can speak with our $$ by refusing to shop there. It’s hard to make decisions like that especially when the Target is 10 minutes away and the Walmart is 30. But, I believe that part of choosing “brave.” Making choices that may inconvenience us because it’s the right thing to do.
Yes and yes, Sheila! In addition, I think it’s very important to e-mail them as well. Target cares as much about public perception as they do their bottom line, as they go hand in hand. A handful of e-mails will hit their radar more quickly than a handful of missed sales. Both are important and worth the effort if we really do care about precipitating change.
I love this, Katie. Thanks for speaking out the truth. You are helping me make the decision to possibly leave my beloved Target behind for now. :-/ Bless you for being brave! <3
Thank you, Stefani. I love me some Target as well, but this is just too much. I cannot even fathom what makes them choose inclusion at the expense of protecting women and children. I wonder if they’ve looked at their customer base lately? Our purchasing power definitely makes a difference and such poor social policy should definitely impact their bottom line.
GREAT post. Thank you for standing up for the right thing, even though it’s a hot topic and very controversial!
http://www.thedivinepresence.wordpress.com
Safety should be priority #1 in a public place! If inclusion is an issue there should be a third private family type bathroom that someone in need of a transgender bathroom could use. The risk is too great. :/
This scares me too! I take my kids with me in every bathroom. And if people are going to question why my 7 year-old is in the bathroom, I’m going to say, “Because I need to protect him from whoever else may be in here!” or whoever may be in the men’s bathroom for that matter! It is so frustrating that we’ve come to this scary point in our society.
Right there with you, Laura. I don’t want to be fearful, but I most certainly want to be aware and vigilant.