Intentional Friendship: 3 Keys to Keeping Great Friends

 

 

 

 

This post is part of a series on Intentional Living.  You can find the rest of the post here: Intentional Marriage, Intentional Parenting and, my favorite, Intentional Faith.

Friendship.

Most of the time I’m aware of how great of a husband I have. And I’m constantly aware how much I love the kids who call me mama. But friendship? I don’t think about that one quite as frequently.

When I do take the time to think about it, I am nothing short of overwhelmed by how blessed I am.

They’re a varied lot, these friends of mine. Some do life the same way I do, some quite differently. I’m united with some by a certain passion or hobby and some by history and events. Some are a good 20 years older than I am and others at least half a dozen years younger.

The great equalizer among these woman though, is that they all bring something truly special to my life. I am a better mom, a braver woman, a more honorable wife, and a more faithful believer because of these friendships, these women.

They push me, they keep me grounded, they encourage me and sometimes just listen. They temper me and inspire me, draw me out and challenge me. These woman are gold.

May we never discount the value of friendship.

 

 

 

But let’s be real. It takes effort. Real effort.

The magic of friendship is hard won. It’s a plant that needs watering to grow and fertilizer to truly thrive.

Somewhere between feeding and loving our husbands, maintaining a happy and healthy marriage, growing educated kids of strong character and tending to a house, we are supposed to find time to chat and develop deep and satisfying friendships. Just one more thing on the list, right?

And this is where we check our priorities. Again.

If it matters to you, you will find time to make it happen.

I hope I don’t need to sell you on the virtues of friendship, because it really is one of life’s treasure. To have people who will still think you are awesome even if you fall flat on your face is empowering. Friends make you brave.

I still remember one of my first public speaking opportunities, outside of a college class. I was about to tell my story to a hundred or so women. And I was nervous. Waiting for my introduction I looked around the room at all of these women, wondering how they would respond, if they would be engaged, and how hard they would laugh if I tripped on the stairs on my way up the platform.

And then I caught sight of one of my closest friends, sitting toward the back. I instantly knew there was at least one person in that audience that would still think I am awesome no matter what I did or didn’t say up on that stage. It was empowering, comforting and necessary for me to work out my brave in that moment.

Brene` Brown says this is because your closest friends are never really sitting on the outside watching you. Their heart and their minds are right there in the ring, on the line, with you. Can you tell I love Brene` Brown? I’m thinking of asking her to be my friend.

 

 

So how do we get there? How do we make time to cultivate great friendships?  Here are 3 ways I work at keeping my friends.

1. Touch Base 
In this day and age, communication is quick, simple, and immediate. Employ it. Let it help you be a better friend. Send a text, a picture, a Facebook message. Make a phone call or a send an e-mail or a written note. There are dozens of ways to do this right, just do it often.  These actions take intention more than they do time, but they shore up the foundation of your friendship and cut the distance that can come from not seeing each other all that regularly.

2. Be Vulnerable
As with any relationship, friendship requires a degree of vulnerability in order to prosper. Someone has to be gutsy enough to say “let’s hang out sometime” to get the friendship started. But we need to be continually vulnerable if we want to maintain that friendship.

The other day I got a text from a friend that said something like “I have to nothing to say but I was just thinking about you and miss you. I hope that doesn’t sound weird.” It made me smile. And I loved it. In a 10 second text she was both thoughtful and vulnerable. That’s what intentional friendship looks like.

3. Make Memories
Shared memories make for strong bonds. Funny things happen when you are together. Funny stories come out of the most mundane events. Life is busy no matter what stage, but if you want to maintain great friendships you have to make the effort to spend time together and make some memories.

Go for a run with a friend early in the morning before the kids wake up. Go shopping together (even if it’s just for groceries) late at night. Join a Bible Study or a book club together. Do lunch dates at the park or library time with the kids. Plan ahead to make bigger events, day trips, happen occasionally. More time equals more memories. More memories equals stronger friendships.

Don’t miss out on the adventure that is friendship. The number of friends we have isn’t important it’s the strength of those friendships that is. Call your friends today. Be vulnerable and make a plan to make some memories together. Both of your lives will be all the richer for it.

And a big thanks to the ladies that I get to call my friends.  You have taught me what friendship looks like.  I learned all of these tricks from you.  You make me brave and unafraid to fall on my a face.  A few of you have even seen me do that too.  Here’s to many, many more fabulous memories!

 

Up next in this series, Intentional Faith.  You’ll find that post here!