Leading From Behind

I run a bit. It’s not something I’m particularly awesome at, nothing I was made for, but something that works for me. It keeps me in fairly good shape. It doesn’t require a membership or monthly fee and I can fit it in to the nooks and crannies of free time I find.

Occasionally, I train for races. In full disclosure and just so you don’t get your hopes up, let me tell you, I don’t win races. Seriously, I’m not downplaying or trying to humble myself here. It’s a fact. I’m not a leader-of-the-pack kind of runner. I race to make myself commit to training, to keep me motivated, focused and just a tiny bit scared. It is one of those dares to myself.

Anyhow, on a recent training run I learned a pretty valuable lesson. I was out there dripping sweat, trying to finish without walking. Ahead of me by about a quarter of a mile on the pathway was another runner. As I watch him I notice that he periodically turns around and looks behind him. I have no idea what he’s looking at and I don’t think too much of it.

But as we keep running I start to see a pattern. He slows a bit, I close the gap, he looks back and sees me coming and picks up his pace. Ever played this cat and mouse game when you are driving on the freeway? Like some people take pride in not being passed? I find it a bit annoying when I’m driving, but now as I am running, I’m entertained by it.

You see, Mr. lead runner appears to be an athlete. He is fit, his muscles are cut and he is happy enough to let the world know it as he runs shirtless. He is the kind of runner you expect to see in the front; the runner who appears to be doing this with ease.

Meanwhile, I’m not that runner. I’ve read the articles on keeping a strong core. Keeping your chest up and your arms loose; controlling your breathing when you get tired. And I start out that way, really I do. And then I get tired and red faced, I mean really red faced. And I have to summon all of my mental will to just keep going. My core is no longer strong and I’m something like a fish out of water, red-faced, breathing heavy and flopping my way to the finish line. Let me tell you, I don’t make this look easy.

So I keep on, in this catch-me-if-you-can routine with Mr. lead runner. And I’m closing in on him. I can hear the music blaring from his headphones now. And I pass him. I can’t believe he actually let me pass him. But when I get about 10 paces ahead he comes blowing past me with more speed than he has had in the last 2 miles. Just like that, he’s gone. And there is no chance this red-faced girl is catching him now.

But here’s the interesting fact. He was pacing me, even though I was behind. There were no other runners out ahead of him so he was using me, the one in the back, the one with little to no running talent, to pace himself. Do you see the beauty in that?

It’s a fallacy to believe we have to wait until we have it all together, until we have all of our ducks in a row before we can help guide others. It’s a lie to believe we have to be endowed with all the natural talent, be the leader of the pack, if we want to be an encouragement to someone else on the journey.

Brave is trying even when you are not the best; no, especially when you are not the best. To get out there and try, yet again; to be consistent – in trying to keep a tidy home, in trying to cook a healthy meal, in trying to learn photography or gardening, in trying to be a joyful mama, an honest friend, a forgiving spouse. Don’t stop working out your brave, right now.  Right where you are.  Even if you are the red-faced girl.  Brave is always inspiring.