• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • KW
  • About
  • Books
    • I Choose Brave
    • But then she remembered
  • Speaking
  • Blog
  • Resources
  • Contact
  • Nav Social Menu

    • Email
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
    • YouTube

Katie Westenberg

I Choose Brave

  • Living Brave
  • Brave Faith
  • Brave Marriage
  • Parenting Brave
  • Brave Friend

No Shame Here: The freedom in learning to laugh at yourself

by Katie

 

Perfectionism is a joy killer, but there is freedom in learning to laugh at ourselves and teaching our children how they can do the same.

I was 8 days overdue, when I had my first baby.  8 days, people.  It may as well have been a year.

I was due the day before my husband’s birthday and we wondered if he and our new baby might share the day.  But the day came and went with no baby.

I was due six days before Easter and I decided months earlier that I would be skipping Easter that year.  I pictured myself nestled at home with my new baby, surrounded by new baby things, celebrating new life like never before.  But Easter came and went, and I was still pregnant.

I wish I could tell you I endured this beautifully, but I was so excited to become a mama and meet this baby and so excited to not be pregnant any longer, that I was quite irritable in those overdue days.

It was finally decided that I would be induced.  My first-time-mama self had no idea what that meant, really, but if it resulted in me having a baby and not being pregnant any longer, I was all in.

When I arrived at the hospital the process didn’t turn out to be nearly as exciting as I had hoped.  We’ll try this pill.  Go for a walk and we’ll check on you in a couple hours.  So this is what having a baby looks like?  Traipsing up and down the halls of the hospital all morning.  Really?  I wasn’t loving this process.

On one of my obligatory walks, I rounded the corner of the hallway and saw a couple of people down near the other end, checking out a room.  A quick glance revealed her protruding belly, somewhere around 6 months protruding, I guessed.  You’ve seen pregnancy at that stage, no?  The adorably round baby bump that still fits fairly nicely under clothes. It’s the stage where mamas typically look and feel great.

As we lurched closer I realized that I recognized this girl, I didn’t know her but I had seen her before, many times.  She attended my church.  She was tiny and cute, with a wide smile and, now, this adorably pregnant belly.

I looked down quickly at my ridiculously extended middle, which only looked even more awesome in that bed sheet of a hospital gown.  My feet were sandwiched into the slippers I had brought from home and I was waddling now because that is all I could muster at 8 days overdue.  I was awkwardly pushing an IV stand, dangling the cords that ran back to my veins and all of these liquids had me feeling like the female version of the Jet Puffed Marshmallow man.  I didn’t have any make-up on because I was up at 4:30 am so I could make the trek to the hospital in time for my 6:00 appointment.  Apparently doctors like their overdue prego patients waddling the halls nice and early.

And still, just down the hall, was the cute pregnant girl from church, who, from what I could tell,  appeared to be on her hospital tour.  I started sweating a little.  I really did not want to make small talk right now.  I really did not want to walk my swollen feet and over-ripe body up to her, feeling like a complete ogre, paste on a smile and tell her congratulations.  So I did the first thing that came to mind. I hid.  Yes, yes, I did.

Of course it’s not easy to hide when you have this obnoxiously distended midsection, move the speed of a snail and are wheeling an IV cart with you, but I’m nothing if not resourceful.  I quickly located an empty hospital room and welcomed myself on in.  My husband, who was taking the walk with me, was simultaneously laughing and telling me I was crazy.  But my pregnant self was not deterred one bit by a laughing husband.  With my heart beating wild and sweat coming fast, I may or may not have threatened divorce if he did not help me hide in that hospital room this very minute.

Pregnancy makes me a little crazy.  I was pretty good for 40 weeks, but those 8 extra days did me in.

And so we waited it out in the empty room until the cute pregnant girl from church made her way on by and I waddled myself back to my own room, unnoticed.

 

Shame lurks just behind perfectionism. Balancing our best efforts with our own humanity is the key to fighting shame.

 

You know, I see these same moments in my own children – moments where they get embarrassed or feel less than.  Sometimes they giggle and smile along with the rest of us, but other times they shrink back and draw in.  They don’t enjoy the giggling; they melt and want to hide.

And while I want to be sensitive to their feelings, what I really want my children to know is that it is okay to laugh at yourself.  It’s imperative, actually.  I want my kids to know that they are going to do stupid things, they are going to have embarrassing moments they are going to come up short and feel less than at times, but the bravest thing you can do in that moment is to smile, to laugh, and keep right on going.

Messing up isn’t anything to be embarrassed about.  It’s normal.  Sure we make mistakes and feel silly.  That’s normal.  Sometimes we look kind of ridiculous and make a fool of ourselves.  Normal.   If we are pursuing a life of perfection or are only pleased when we pull something off perfectly, we are denying our humanity and setting ourselves up for a life of continual disappointment.

One simple ticket to joy is being able to laugh at our own inadequacies, to see beauty in our growing and changing and messing up and find courage to own where we are in the process.  To keep right on going.

I want my home to be a breeding ground for that; a breeding ground for feeling embarrassed and laughing it off.  A breeding ground for making mistakes and being okay with that. A safe place for laughing at ourselves.  It’s okay to get embarrassed, but there is no shame here.

Oh, and that cute girl from church who I hid from at the hospital?  She later became a good friend of mine.  A few years ago I was brave enough to tell her about the time I hid from her.  And, thankfully, we’re both able to laugh about it now.

Raising brave kids, freeing them up to take risks in life, starts at home. Let's build that breeding ground, give them that fertile soil to launch, and sometimes fall, safely.

Share
Email
Pin389
Print
Post
402Shares

You may also enjoy...

Filed Under: Brave Mama, Parenting Brave Tagged With: children, pregnancy

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Susannah says

    October 23, 2015 at 9:38 am

    Thanks for sharing such a poignant story! I think we all have stories like this in our lives… Maybe not while being pregnant… But we all need to learn to be brave! 🙂

    • Katie says

      October 24, 2015 at 6:53 am

      I agree, Susannah, the details may differ but the underlying problem is all the same. I hate the idea of how much life we are missing out on, how many friendships and adventures and authentic relationships we are missing out on, simply because we lack courage. Thankfully, I was afforded another chance to get to know my sweet friend!

  2. Kristi says

    October 22, 2015 at 6:02 am

    Oh my that is so funny! I love that now you all are friends and you can laugh at this story together.

    • Katie says

      October 22, 2015 at 6:12 am

      Yes, the laughing came a little slow in this story…but it came eventually! 🙂

  3. Paula says

    October 21, 2015 at 5:25 pm

    LOVE this! I was 11 days overdue, I feel your pain, I would have hid too! My daughter just turned 5 and I’ve watched as she’s started shrinking back at laughter. It breaks my heart, I’m the perfectionist and that is not what I want her to take away from me. I want her to be brave and confident and learn to laugh at herself. Thanks for the beautiful reminder to laugh at myself so that she can learn to have that courage too. Sharing, love this so much!

    • Katie says

      October 21, 2015 at 7:11 pm

      You know, Paula, I notice it the most with my 5 year old as well. I wonder if it’s the age, to some extent. They are becoming more self-aware, which leads to insecurity as well. Keep giving that sweet girl a safe place to be, and laugh at, herself. 🙂 Thanks for so much for your comments and for sharing as well!

  4. brianna says

    October 21, 2015 at 1:45 pm

    Haha. I can so relate to your story. Those hormones.

    • Katie says

      October 21, 2015 at 2:59 pm

      Yes, a sister! 😉 I wanted to write that I would totally behave differently if I was in that situation today…but there is just that whole crazy overdue pregnant factor that I can’t promise on. However, for the most part, there is no hiding these days. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by, Brianna!

  5. Mikki Jo says

    October 21, 2015 at 11:16 am

    Love the truth in this. It took me a long time to be able to laugh at myself. I used to wear my heart on my sleeve and now I’m the opposite. And I really don’t know when that happened.

    • Katie says

      October 21, 2015 at 3:00 pm

      I’m thinking age helps quite a bit, Mikki. One great thing about age, huh? There is so much freedom once we get to that point!

  6. Heather Hart says

    October 21, 2015 at 9:51 am

    Thanks for letting us laugh with you! What a fun story to teach such a wise lesson.

    • Katie says

      October 21, 2015 at 7:28 pm

      Thanks of reading, Heather! At least slightly embarrassing stories are good for something. 😉

  7. Heather J says

    October 21, 2015 at 8:30 am

    Love this! 😉 We laugh a lot in our family and thankfully our children are able to laugh at themselves as well! 😀

    • Katie says

      October 21, 2015 at 7:31 pm

      Such a gift, Heather. Keep laughing together; you are giving your children a gift they may never fully appreciate until they are years beyond your home. <3

  8. Tiffanie says

    October 21, 2015 at 6:14 am

    So true. Funny the crazy things we do when feeling embarrassed! Humor is so important.
    I read an article recently that talked about this very issue. The parents of a teenage girl helped her work through the worst case scenario that she was sure to face @ school the next day.
    She was prepared b/c they laughed about it & processed it ahead of time. It didn’t prevent it from happening but it prepared her for it.

    • Katie says

      October 22, 2015 at 6:22 am

      I think that really does help, Tiff. I do that myself and realize that people’s opinions don’t matter as much in reality as we play them up to mean in our minds. For example, if I hadn’t hid in that hospital room and would have chatted it up with the girl in the hallway, she may very well have thought, “wow, she looks huge and miserable and faintly resembles the Jet Puffed Marshmallow man”. A) It really would not matter all that much because it changes nothing about who I am and B) it would have been true! 🙂 That is why shame is a liar. Mentally we begin to give value to things that don’t really matter all that much. I think taking our kids to that next level of processing the situation is really key. And maybe if I go there, my girls won’t hide in a hospital room someday. 😉

  9. Kelly Canfield says

    October 20, 2015 at 5:53 pm

    Beautiful and true!

    • Katie says

      October 20, 2015 at 9:29 pm

      Thank you, Kelly! I appreciate your comments!

Primary Sidebar

 

Katie Westenberg

Hey, friend, I’m glad you’re here! I’m Katie. One girl determined to do life bravely. One girl determined to Fear God and Live Brave, to parent well, live authentically and work hard for all the things that matter. I Choose Brave and I hope you will too!

Enter your e-mail address in the box below and join thousands of women in the brave community here. It’s the simplest way to keep in touch and stay encouraged!

Posts You’ll Love!

Raising Overcomers: How to Teach Your Kids to do Hard Things

Identity Crisis: How to Help Your Children Know Their Worth

The Power of a Mother’s Words

Pre-Order Now

But Then She Remembered

Buy This Book Online
Buy from Amazon
Buy from Amazon Kindle
Buy from Christian Book Distributor
Buy from Barnes and Noble
Baker Book House
But Then She Remembered
Buy now!
This is fun news! For a limited time, buy a copy o This is fun news! For a limited time, buy a copy of But Then She Remembered for MOM and we’ll send YOU a copy of the audiobook for free!

Distraction is a multi-generational struggle. Remembering is a multi-generational command. Let’s do this, together. Here are the details:

Purchase your copy of But Then She Remembered from any retailer and then head to my website (link in bio) to get your free copy of the audiobook. It’s that simple.
.
Available while supplies last. (Note: the offer says buy a copy for mom, not necessarily YOUR mom. Buy a copy for a woman who is a mom, or a woman who has a mom. 😊 They all qualify. Just grab it before they’re gone!}
I scanned a post shared by a friend awhile back an I scanned a post shared by a friend awhile back and the words quickly wooed me. I’ve long been a sucker for words.
.
The writer spun them expertly, thoughtfully, vividly, and I was glad to drink of her craft, greedy for story drawn artfully, delivered thoughtfully, from a deep well.

Until I realized, the words weren’t true. The author was believing a well woven lie and carefully threading mistruth into her own kind of gospel. Her mastery, a thin veil for mistruth.
.
I was reminded, friend, perhaps the apple looks a bit different today. The shape and size, delivery method, have gone modern but the Truth is still the same - sin is crouching, desiring us and we are commanded to rule over it. Still, today.
.
We must know Truth to spot lies. We must remember it, to recognize the difference. We must be aware of our weaknesses and the sticky compulsion of temptation. It’s our responsibility to rule here. May we do so, bravely..
.
{Genesis 4:7 
And more like this in the newly released, But Then She Remembered.}
This morning, remember. This morning, remember.
Just a little PSA to remind you - it’s possible. Just a little PSA to remind you - it’s possible. 

It’s possible to be aware of the news and the world, of foreign relations and politics, and not be obsessed about it.

It’s possible to feel the real hurt of real trouble and not be possessed by it.

It’s possible to be in the world and not of it. To remember who God was, and is, and always will be, above it.

It’s possible to remember Him here.

May we learn to do so, bravely.
.

{Beautifully modeled in Psalm 77. See for yourself, friend.❤️}
Slow processor over here. But this little book lau Slow processor over here. But this little book launched into the world on Tuesday and I’m still reeling from the beauty of celebrating side by side with so many sisters, the grace of what it looks like when so many women offer their gifts for His glory (fishes and loaves never looked so good!), and the incredible support of my local community. I’ll never forget it.
.
If you want to join us as women determined to remember the goodness of God in this wildly distracting world, grab yourself a copy of the book and LET’S GO! We are ready for it.❤️
HOW SWEET IS THIS? My dear friend @jodie_berndt an HOW SWEET IS THIS? My dear friend @jodie_berndt and I get to release books on the very same day - tomorrow! To celebrate @growthrootsco (another dear friend and creator of the loveliest journals) is giving YOU a chance to win copies of them all!

Here’s the offering:

1. My book - But then she remembered (how to give God your full attention in a distracted world)
2. Jodie’s book - Praying the scriptures for your marriage (trusting God with your most important relationship)
3. A growth book! 
4. Jodie’s favorite pens!
5. An Amazon gift card!! 
6. Marriage conversation cards! 

Beautiful, right? I know these women, their love for Jesus, their work and their words. You will LOVE these books, friend (and the extra goodies too). 

Here’s how to enter:

1. Follow @jodie_berndt, @katie_westenberg and @growthrootsco

2. Tag 3 friends (or more 😉 each tag or share gives you another entry) 

3. Like this post.

That’s it! The giveaway will close Wednesday night and the winner will be announced Thursday! 

*Giveaway open to U.S residents only. As per Instagram’s rules, this promotion is not sponsored, administered, or associated with Instagram in any way.*
The humanity of Jesus Christ is an indispensable g The humanity of Jesus Christ is an indispensable gift to us as believers. Every challenge we face He met and mastered. The Bible doesn’t speak of endless notifications and group texts, but it does speak of people with real needs showing up in Christ’s path constantly. 
.
Wherever He went crowds followed with needs and questions and frustrations and problems. He got in a boat to cross to the other side of the sea, and people would race to meet Him there. 

Can you even imagine?

And His most common response? He was moved with compassion. 
.
Over and over again, He stopped what He was doing, paused from the task at hand, and tended to the needy hearts - the bleeding woman, the woman at the well - right in front of Him.
.
Far too often I find I’m happy to entertain distractions - anything that prevents me from giving my full attention to something else - and yet annoyed by interruptions. Perhaps it is because one I choose, while the other I do not?
.
Discerning the difference between a distraction and an interruption has been a helpful tool to me. I want to love like Christ. I want to be interruptible, but I want to give my full attention to what He places in my path.
.
What about you? Are you more frustrated by distractions or interruptions?
.
.
.
{excerpt from But Then She Remembered: How to Give God Your Full Attention in a Distracted World.}
UPDATE: You all scooped up dozens of copies in min UPDATE: You all scooped up dozens of copies in minutes! 🎉 Well done! You know how to love your leaders well. I wish we had another case of books to give away! We are closing this giveaway for now. If you sent us a message watch for a reply soon!
****

I need your help with something fun! 
.
This little book is making its way out into the world and instead of sending all of the marketing copies to all of the “influencer” people, we’ve held a supply back for the real people on the ground. 
.
These copies are for the women’s ministry leaders and the Bible study leaders. The small group leaders and women out there mentoring and serving others in quiet and unseen places. The women without a platform or audience in the world’s currency, but willing to do good and important work for the women right in front of them.
.
I’m convinced this work of leading and serving face to face is more important than ever and I want to say thank you! And keep going! Your work matters.
.
So here is how it works: If you are a local leader or know of one who you would like me to send a copy of my hot-off-the-press book, But Then She Remembered: How to Give God Your Full Attention in a Distracted World, DM me with a name and mailing address. I’ll send them a copy of the book with a personal thank you note for the good work they are doing.
.
Crash my inbox. We’ll send ‘em out while supplies last!

Copyright © 2025 · Katie Westenberg · All Rights Reserved