Priorities in Practice: One Shift that is Making all the Difference

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“So what’s on the calendar for this weekend?” my husband inquired casually.

“Nothing really”, I replied. “But there are some things we probably should do this weekend.”

“Are you sure we should do them?”  He quipped, knowingly.  “What about our circles?”

I smiled at him, because he is exactly right.  You see this is our newest inside joke, but even more, it’s a mindset that is re-framing the decisions we make in our home.

Let me back track for you.

A couple of weeks ago I listened to an interview with Shauna Niequist (it’s a good one, friends).  You’ve probably heard of her new book Present over Perfect.  It is blowing up the charts and looks to be awesome, but I haven’t read it yet.

(Ever wonder what I’m reading?  It’s looks something like this.)

In her interview she painted a visual picture that resonated with me instantly.  She talked about how in recent years she found herself in a very busy season.

Sidenote:  I promise not to talk about busy forever, friends.  It’s just an area where I’m really growing (and occasionally sinking) right now.  Plus, this info has been hugely helpful to me so I really must share it.  And then I promise we’ll move along from busy.  At least I think I promise.  Maybe.

Anyhow, Niequist was talking about how during this season of busy she clearly began to notice who was most influencing the decisions in her life.

It goes something like this.  We all have these wide and varied circles of connection, right?  We have immediate family and extended family.  We have close friends, not so close friends and Facebook friends.  We have co-workers and maybe business contacts or committees on which we serve and people we only offer a smile to at church on Sunday.  Our circles are quite wide, right?

However, what caught Niequist’s attention, and what is now catching mine, is how those various relationships affect the decisions we makes and/or how we spend our time.

In her attempt to master what matters, she visually created a nucleus, a strong central circle of relationships that matter most to her.  Think about that for a minute.  What relationships are in your nucleus?  Don’t list 5 or ten.  Just a couple, a few at the most, that are really of central importance to you.

For me this looks like God, my husband and my kids.

From there you can add another circle, trailing just outside and around your nucleus, that includes a few more key relationships, maybe a couple close friends or family, but don’t go wild here.  Keep it fairly small.  Don’t add 20 besties; shoot for 3 or so.

Are you catching on to how this works?  Add a circle, figure out who goes there.  And keep going.  Extended family, neighbors, work friends, church friends, school friends, sports friends, people you serve with, the barista you see each morning.  Go on, add them.

And then stand back for a moment, whether you’ve done this mentally or on paper, and think about your decisions, about how you spend your time.  How often do you jeopardize the inner circle for the outer?  How often do you choose to appease the outer circles at the expense of the inner?  Who weighs most heavily on your decisions?

I’ll be honest, friends.  This has been enlightening for me.

There are so many things we say yes to or commit to out of obligation.  Yes, I should attend that birthday party because I would hate to offend anyone.  Yes, I should serve on that committee because they really do need my help and I care about what they are advocating.  Yes, I should go to that dinner, offer to help serve a meal, watch kids, fill in the blank.  Soon enough our circles look something like the tangled knot of necklaces in my daughter’s jewelry box – completely out of sorts.

Look, I don’t want you to misunderstand me, serving is a wonderful gift, an opportunity, a blessing.  Reaching beyond the borders of our homes is a beautiful (and necessary!) thing for us to do.  If God tugs on your heart to help in a certain way, to usurp the circles for a time, by all means dive in and know that He will provide and sustain you through that.  However, we cannot protect the relationships we care about most if we are not willing to consistently give them the priority they deserve in our lives.  It’s simply not possible.

My kids see when I’m busy pecking away on my phone and yet tell them I don’t have time to play.  The truth is, I have time and I’ve chosen not to give it to them.  And you know what?  Sometimes that is okay.  These kids will own every single minute of my attention if I let them and that’s not necessarily a sustainable or healthy place for any of us.  But I want them to know their rightful position in my heart and I want my actions, my behavior and my decisions to reflect that.

There will be times when we drop the ball, friends – times when we simply can’t juggle all of the things, times when we just have to let something slide.  Be aware of your circles. Drop the ball carefully.  Whose affections are we jeapordizing?  Who are we trying to save face in front of?  Inner circles or outer?

This line of thinking is sinking deep for us around here.  It’s helping us choose wisely, choose bravely and live a little more consciously from our priorities.  Give it a try.  I’m praying it does the same for you.