4 Ways to Help Your Kids Exercise Their Brave

 

Years ago when I had only one kid calling me mama, I had the privilege of mentoring with a more mature mom who I completely looked up to.  She was so full of life and energy.  She was (and still is!) magnetic and it was contagious.  She loved her husband, she feared God and she raised four brave and courageous children who are all pretty accomplished speakers.

One day over lunch I remember asking her how she raised such confident and brave kids.  I realize that personality can play some part in our disposition but how did she end up with four personalities that were so eager to put themselves out there?

She told me it was quite intentional on her part.  From an early age she put her kids on stage anytime she got the chance.  She created scenarios at home where they would perform in front of one another, in front of neighbors or grandparents.  She would pursue opportunities for them to sing or pray at church when it was appropriate.  She knew, from experience, public speaking can be scary for many so she wanted to condition her children to that fear and help them overcome it early on.

That concept stuck with me.  As if brave was a muscle that could be grown and trained. A muscle that needed to be conditioned and exercised.

Four ways to help your kids exercise their brave:

1. Love them unconditionally.  I hope this seems overly simplistic.  Our kids need to know they are unconditionally loved – that there is no way they can mess that up, that our commitment to them is not performance based.  They will feel more freedom to risk trying new things when they have the security of a landing pad that is you.

This extends beyond brave kids as well.  In her book Daring Greatly (if you haven’t read this one, run, don’t walk, friends. It’s that good.) Brene` Brown talks about how our own inner circle, those who aren’t just watching, but are “in the arena with us”, is what gives us the courage to be vulnerable elsewhere.  I’m feeling that with my own inner circle right now, and I want to be that for my kids.  I want them to know that they could fall flat on their face and this mama is still going to love them like crazy.

2.  Prepare them.  I love how that mentor mom of mine started small.  Susan Wise Bauer recommends the same thing when working on memory work with kids.  Work on it repeatedly.  Have them say it in front of a mirror or to a voice recorder so they can hear their own voice.  Have them practice in front of increasing audiences – siblings, dad, grandparents.  All of these are conditioning tools that lessen the stress and increase their confidence.

3.  Provide them with opportunities.  My kids have been part of a homeschool co-op for several years and we do just that at our year-end program.  Each child is given the opportunity to take the stage for a few minutes to sing, play an instrument, recite memory work, etc.  And it has been so fun to watch them grow in this.  Some kids who were red-faced and giggling in front of the mic just last year stood up there confidently this year.  They are exercising their brave muscle.

4.  Model it.  As with so many things, our kids are watching us and from an early age they begin to adopt our views and opinions.  The adage more is caught than taught, applies here.  Let them see you doing brave things; talk them through it.  Thankfully, this doesn’t mean you need to be fearless.  Brave has nothing to do with being fearless.  Brave is seeing fear for what it is and then punching it in the face.  Your kids need to see you working out your brave even when, especially when, it’s hard.  Be sure you are modeling brave.

 

My girls sang a duet for their co-op program last Friday and then sang it again in church on Sunday morning.  Meanwhile, I had the opportunity to speak on motherhood on Sunday as well.  But the Friday before, with all of these events ahead, my girls were feeling a bit nervous.  So we talked through it.  I told them mommy was feeling nervous too, because I wanted them to know that what they were feeling was real and normal.  And then I told them about the very first time I got on stage by myself.  It was in front of a church, to sing the very same song they were singing.  See, my own mom was that kind of intentional.  Not only did she help me exercise my brave early on, she modeled for me how to raise brave kids at the same time.

Encouraging our children to shine, to exercise their brave, doesn’t always require a stage.  It could look like doing what is right, when their friends are doing something different.  It could look like swimming across the pool or diving in when that is unchartered territory for them – confidently taking the test, trying a new sport, making a new friend, the opportunities are endless.

Our world needs brave adults and as mamas we get the awesome opportunity of being on site, being on the training ground where those very adults are raised.  But it takes intention, it happens on purpose.  So hop to it, mama.  Grab your kids and, together, start exercising your brave.

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