Every year I have a girlfriends Christmas party at my house. A night with no obligation or expectation, just some time set aside to connect with friends over good food, without interruption. Any mama can attest to the fact that those moments can be hard to come by, so I always look forward to that night.
It was last year at that party that I was chatting it up with a friend I don’t get to see all that often. We were going through the ritual small talk and catching up on life and kids when she asked me , “So what is your big scary dream?”
There was an awkward pause in the conversation as I let out an uncomfortable little laugh and quickly thought through how I wanted to answer. What should I tell her? Should I play it cool and throw out the little baby dream or do I go full monty? Will I regret full monty? Full monty is vulnerable and scary and, ugh, why is she even asking me this?
So I told her. I’d like to write someday.
Like fiction?
No, not fiction. Like, encouraging stuff, I guess. I don’t know, really. Seeing God in the little stuff, the everyday. Big lessons in little moments. Something like that.
Oh, kind of like Ann Voskamp?
Oh gees, really? Now I’m going to have to say I want to be Ann Voskamp when I grow up? I might as well just throw my puny self in the ring with a prize fighter.
The whole thing was beginning to sound quite ridiculous.
When my daughter was 4, whenever she was asked what she wanted to be when she grew up she would always boldly answer, “a butterfly!” And we always laughed, knowingly. Little girl, big imagination. We all know little girls can’t be butterflies.
And that is what I felt like in that moment. Like I had just said butterfly.
I pondered my friend’s question that night and even more over the following year. What did I find so scary about answering that? I was among friends, one of the safest places to be vulnerable. But big, crazy dreams, they scare us. They hang on the most vulnerable parts of our hearts and putting them out there, out in the big wide world, takes courage.
And so most of us don’t. Out of self-preservation, we just don’t.
You know, when my friend asked me that question, this blog didn’t exist. I hadn’t even considered it. But she stirred something. When I think of all the parties I’ve attended, all the small talk conversations I’ve been apart of, I’ve never been asked that question before. It’s a brave question. And I’m thankful she was brave enough to ask it.
It has been said that doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will. I believe it. We doubt so well, friends. We doubt so well we don’t even let the dream escape our lips sometimes. We temper dreams out of fear. We fear when we have absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain.
So moving into the New Year, let’s start there. Let’s ask the big scary question. And let’s answer it.
So, what is your big, scary dream?
For more on Why New Year’s Resolutions Deserve Your Attention click here.
I just read your blog this morning and it has left me somewhat confused, perplexed, and actually excited. See, I am a 41 year old mama who just dropped her oldest off for college this weekend, the youngest is a junior in high school, we just moved to a new state due to my husband’s employment after living my entire life in our previous town, and to say my marriage has been shaky is putting it lightly. Basically I have been so far lost the last two years, that I’m not quite sure what I even look like anymore. (Literally! Meaning I chopped off my long hair into a cute sassy Bob in the middle of the night one night! Lol. A story for another time maybe). I came across this blog and I had to stop and think about it and let it soak in for a minute or two. Then I had to answer the question. That’s where the confusion nad perplexity came in. I’m passionate about so many things. I have so many dreams. Where does one even begin to decipher the difference of “this would be nice” or “I would like that” and “I can’t live without it” and “this is who I am”. And that’s where the excitement kicked in. :). After a few years of floundering in the dark with tears streaming every day (and now as I write this). I’m finally excited about something. Before I had always been passionate about being a mama. So much so that I gave birth to two daughters but I have dozens of girls that call me mama. I know I’m still a mama but a new season is upon me and I have not embraced it AT ALL but have fought it with a broken heavy heart that has projected it’s gloominess in every single aspect of my life. Thank you so very much for writing this. Thank you so much for giving me something to think about other than the pain, and thank you for showing me that excitement does still exist. It feels odd but wonderful to remember what the sunshine feels like on my face. I’ve missed it so. Thank you.
Christy, your honesty is so beautiful. I have a writer friend that recently dropped her baby off at college and her raw thoughts and emotions have jolted me as well. I’m many years from that stage of life, but I get it. The transition is hard to wrap my brain around when so much of one’s time and identity becomes naturally woven into the day to day of motherhood. Know you are not alone. And it’s okay to grieve the transition a little. But know that God has so much more ahead for you! And he’s preparing you to, bravely, step into it. I’m blessed to be even the smallest part of your journey. <3
WOW! Wish I had read this earlier but I had just seen it on Pinterest. Okay, my scary dream is that I finish my Ph.D. in Christian Counseling and leave my profession that I am currently employed in since it limits my ability to share my faith. Thanks for sharing your bravery and scary dream.
Changing careers is so very brave, Carla! I think there are many people who would love to make a switch in their career path, but never really have the courage to make it happen. I hope you go for it; it’s a fabulous big, scary dream!
Katie,
So often, God leads my path to intersect with someone else He has called down the same road. You are such an inspiration to me. I just submitted to His call to start my own blog. And I too, have often not shared my dream when someone asked. Most of us have a role model or an idea of what we want to do when we grow up. For me, it has always been Beth Moore. Man, I just want to be able to hear from God the way that she does and to share that message in a way that changes lives of precious women all over the world. Then there’s Ann Voskamp. Whew! When I first started reading her stuff, she inspired me to just be real. I always knew I would write one day, just didn’t know when. At the beginning of my writing journey, the struggle came when I would try to follow all the literary correctness. But Ann’s writing style is like, “Whatever to literary correctness! I’m writing what I really want to say and just exactly how I want to say it.” The way she writes is the way people think. Just real.
Then there’s you. My struggle as I get my blog up and running (it is still in the works, not live yet) is that I want to stick to topics like yours. Real life relational stuff. Spiritual stuff. Theology. Situational inspiration. Thank kind of thing. But it seems like a successful blog offers a wider range of topics, or at least includes recipes and a few DIY projects or something. Those topics, while they are things I like to read about, they are just not where my heart is in writing. And then I come across I Choose Brave. And I think, “Wow. Look at her go. She just gets on there and lets her heart go wherever the Lord takes her.” I just hear your passion and your heart in your posts. I see you not tailoring your style to what the current “norm” is in the blogging world, but only following where your heart is. And clearly your heart is in the Lord. What breath of fresh air.
So now, at the end of this lengthy comment, I can say that I am figuring some things out. I think it may actually be possible to be zealous for God like Beth, to be real in my own style like Ann, and to go where others won’t with my subject matter like you. Thank you for being brave and going first. You are making a difference.
Brittany
Brittany, thank you so much for taking the time to share your journey. It is beautiful. And I’m honored to be even the smallest part of it. Search the side bar for my post on tunnel vision. That is really what has made all the difference for me. There are so many writers, so many speakers doing great things and I have wondered, at times, what more I could possibly add or marveled for a bit at their awesome. But when I was reminded that I do this for an audience of One, it truly changed everything. And then when I seed little seeds grow I know, for a fact, it was all Him. Always, Him. I wish you the very best as you step out bravely and please come back and tell me about your blog when it goes live. I would love to follow your journey. For His glory, Katie
Katie, I’m one of your big fans who likes your writing a whole lot more than another “famous author” mentioned in your story. One night you and I stumbled upon each other in a Facebook group for bloggers, and I’m glad we did! I’m so proud of your accomplishments this year. You’re on the path of the brave. Keep on keeping on!
I’ve met some really great people on this journey, Rosemary, but you were one of the very first to reach out a helping hand, answer my questions and show a new girl the ropes. That was actually a big turning point and I am so very thankful for you!
Great post! My big, scary dream was similar to yours – writing. Actually, it wasn’t even my dream. I never thought about it until God put it on my heart. I think that made the doubt even worse. It took nine months before I launched my blog and I still have scary moments as I try to drive traffic to the site. Fear can be crippling and keep us stagnant. He’s shown me it’s much better to take His hand and leave the fear and doubt up to Him.
This post was one of a number of things God has put in my path this past week as I’m taking the first tentative steps toward my big scary dream. The excitement I felt in the fall as I first began to consider that I would really go after my dream in 2016 gave way to terror as the year wound to a close and the reality of facing my lifelong fears and insecurities burst forth with surprising aggression.
I realized this week that I am terrified to dream. I want to keep my dreams small and safe, and in doing so I put God in a box. As I tried to let my mind go to that place of admitting what I actually long for, not the sterile, safe longing but the impossible without God longing, I was surprised at how forceful my fears were. The last several years have been a time of much internal work on my heart by the Holy Spirit. I have changed greatly on the inside but my external world still looks very much the same, and I have felt very strongly that in 2016 God would bring some big changes in my life. I was really resonating with your words but when you got to the part about the butterfly it was as if God was speaking to me. God gave me the butterfly analogy a few weeks ago and I can’t stop thinking about it, how in order to get from the internal changes (cacoon) to the external changes (flight), I must push through my fear and insecurities and truly put my trust in God to carry me, just as the butterfly cannot fly unless it does the hard work of breaking free of it’s cacoon. I am scared because I have failed so many times before at overcoming my struggles but I am moving forward because God is bigger.
Oh Tonya, thank you for being brave enough to share from right where you are! Your vulnerability is inspiring. I feel like those intensely scary and exciting places open us up to hear and see God like never before. Keeping stepping, keep trusting and keep fighting fear. Not only is there something beautiful on the other side of this, but this journey, right where you are, brings it’s own unique beauty. I’m honored that these words found you right when you needed then. Only God. <3
I think what is hard when God puts a dream in your heart and after years and years almost a decade and it has not been fulfilled. Then I begin to doubt the Lord’s voice. When that occurs, I gotta get in the WORD! I need to be reminded of how many other godly men and women in the Bible that took decades for the dream to be fulfilled! It is in God’s timing, nit mine. I am called to be obedient and faithful to the Lord and the rest is up to HIM! Ahhh….that gives me peace. Thanks Katie for reminding me of this once again. I love reading your blog posts, so beautiful and poetic all at the same time.
I so hear you, Johanna. Getting ahead of God has always been easy for me because I dream big. Maybe it’s my age, but I feel like in the last fews years I’m starting to learn faithfulness like never before. It’s not always flashy, but it is beautiful and it is what he has called us to, along with those big and wild dreams. 🙂 I really appreciate your kids words, Johanna. I’m honored to be on this journey with you!
So proud of you, Katie! You definitely have me thinking this morning of what my crazy dream is!!
I’d love to hear it, Laura! And thank you; I really do appreciate that.
Preach on sister! I had that same kind of question asked to me by my hair dresser this year and after lots of pauses and stutters and vagueness I reluctantly said I’d like to continue to write and sell some things on Etsy… but that was sooooo just the tip of the iceberg of my bigger dreams!! I’m still pondering why it is so hard to put our dreams to actual words but I think you may have hit the nail on the head with the concept of doubt. Love your style and blog title… ♥ Glad to have found you through Holley’s link up! Here’s to choosing more brave and less doubt this year! ♥
Pauses, stutters, vagueness, yes! Doesn’t it feel a bit like standing in a room naked? And it’s just speaking the words! Seriously, this fighting fear thing is not for wimps. I’m so glad you are fighting along with me, Heather. Thanks for stopping by!
Yes doubt kills lots of our dreams – timely and encouraging word! I am oftentimes doubtful and fearful of the next step! Thanks for this word!
Oh man, Clare; every single next step. Just when we get comfortable the next brave step awaits us. I’m glad you stopped by, Clare.
I’ve read a little of Ann and would much rather hear from you. Someday when I grow up I want to blog like Katie. ☺️ Only my version would be land based. You know like from the Ground up. Haha
Ha! Well, if you ever need a proofreader when you are getting that off the ground, I can probably help you find one. 😉 I’m so thankful for your friendship.
My big scary dream- to be like Martha Stewart 🙂 I feel like I said butterfly, too. I will keep moving forward like you do. Thanks for the encouragement.
So brave! And keep stepping, toward be the best Amanda version of Martha ever. 😉
You go, Girl!
I think God has wonderful plans ahead for you, and I can’t wait to read your first book!
You are an amazing young woman, and I believe God is going to use you in some incredible ways!
Melanie, I feel crazy blessed to have mentoring friends like. Thank you, always. <3
Well done Katie! Keep choosing to be brave and using your gifts for Him!
The ability to effect change in the lives of others… To inspire, encourage, convict, motivate… He has given you a gift.
Wow! Ann Voskamp! Awesome. God has truly worked and continues to work through her to bring about change in my life. May God continue to bless your efforts as you keep on keeping on!❤️
Ha, well not really Ann, because, wow. That’s kind of how that conversation just rolled out at the party though. I’ll settle for the very best Katie version I can be. And I’m committed to continually giving it all to God and letting Him take my humble offerings wherever He designs. Even if that does still scare me, just a bit. 😉 Thank you for your continued encouragement, Rhonda!
This post is do dear to my heart it brought tears. I am 27 years old and a month ago was the first time I’ve ever spoken my “big scary dream” out loud. God is teaching me to dream and set goals. Thank you for sharing this. It was such an encouragement.
It is scary, isn’t it, Rhiannon?!? Let me tell you, it took me, ahem, a little longer than 27 years. But who’s counting. 😉 Keep bravely pressing on, Rhiannon; that is a God-honoring courage. And know that I’m pressing on, right beside you. <3
What a great question! And I love that you are chasing your dream. Keep being faithful, and thank you for your encouraging words.
Thank you, Leigh, for your encouragement. I’m glad you stopped by!
sometimes the worst person to stop us is ourselves
Exactly, Andi.
Oh my gosh, I love this! It’s easy to get caught up in the opinions of others and lose sight of what God has called us to do. I love how encouraging this post is!
Thank you, Chelsey. And even when we catch a glimpse of what he has called us to do, it’s sometimes a challenge to muster the courage to do it! Working on that part, every day. 🙂
I am glad she went there! Otherwise, I might not be reading this blog! 🙂 Keep chasing the dream God put in your heart….you’re a blessing!
Thank you for your sweet words, Kelly. I’m so glad to have met you along the way!