They were gathered around the kitchen bar having snacks and light conversation. This everyday occurrence typically lands them in all the usual places – playing “would you rather”, bickering, discussing something closely related to toilet humor or, occasionally, in a deeper conversation.
Today they somehow landed on what makes people grumpy. ” You get grumpy when...”, “She gets grumpy when...”, and then came the inevitable, “Mama gets grumpy when…“.
My 7 year old piped up first, “Mama gets grumpy when it’s time to start homeschool”. Giggles and nods ensued from my other brave children.
Silly kids, they don’t know what they are talking about.
I tried arguing with them. “I’m not grumpy about homeschooling!”
They pushed back in their best mama voice, albeit lightly, as they knew they were treading on shaky ground.
“Kids, it’s 9:00! Why isn’t anyone at the table?”
“Tyler, where is your book bin?”
“Bailey, your chores should be done by now!”
It’s 9:00am and I’ve become the siren, the school bell that no one likes to hear, makes everyone scramble in fear. Awesome. Just what I’ve always wanted to be.
I bit my tongue and smiled at their playful chiding, fully realizing there is much of the story they don’t know. They don’t know what it’s like to keep a circus on track all day long. They don’t get scope and sequence. They don’t realize there are standards to be met and concepts to be nailed. There are chores that are never fully done in this house. There is a dryer timer constantly dinging at me and lunch time comes without fail. There is always a dinner that needs to be cooked. And let’s not forget everything that happens outside of this home – the events we need to get to. On time. The meetings I need to prepare for, the accountant I need to call back. So many things in this Jenga block life of ours that may very well crash if we don’t get school started by 9:00am! These kids, they don’t get it.
I pacified myself with that – there is just so much these little people don’t realize. One day they will be grown ups, they will run busy households, hold busy jobs, balance competing interests. They will get the push and the pull and the pressure. And they may even get a little grumpy when it feels like they are trying to herd cats in one direction and turn them into smart and upstanding citizens at the same time. Someday they will realize.
But as I thought more about that, it occurred to me that there is much I don’t realize as well. I don’t always realize their reality. Their reality is homeschool makes mom grumpy. That’s pretty crappy. What if I taught my kids well, they came out all smart and well behaved and yet, they left my home with the idea that I didn’t much like this job? What if they never really saw my joy in all of it?
That’s kind of a mom fail.
What if you worked hard to get a decent meal on the table every night or to keep a tidy home, what if you gave your kids opportunities to participate in sports or the arts, you ran them to practices and games and events because you loved them like crazy and wanted so much for them to discover and hone their unique gifts, but all they really saw was an often tired and sometimes grumpy mom?
What a waste.
That’s not the standard I want to set, friend. Parenting can be really tough. There are challenging seasons that flat out stink. And we power through those bravely. But all of the other stuff, we sign ourselves up for that.
I love that I get to homeschool my kids. Love it. How sad would it be if they never really saw that? Sure it’s crazy hard some days, but they need to see my joy in doing hard and sometimes mundane things. I have the extraordinary opportunity to give them that hope, to teach them that is really possible.
How sad would it be for you to sacrifice to pay for piano lessons or private school and your kids never saw your joy in it? How sad would it be for you to wake up early to make your husband’s breakfast or pack his lunch and yet he never felt like more than another one of your chores?
Something is wrong if the things we mean to do in love continually come out looking like just another obligation.
I’m crazy thankful for this life I get to do with my family. I’m guessing you are too. But actions speak.
I’m scurrying around trying to get one more load of laundry in, one more room vacuumed, one more phone call made and then I blow into the living room like a tornado at 9:00am, with a “ready, set, go!” and those kids of mine, they see grumpy.
I can do a better job, friends. Sometimes it just takes overly chatty kids to remind me of that.
I am pretty certain we’ll always fight times of grumpy, but mostly I want my kids to see joy. I want my husband to see joy, my friends to see joy, knowing that the jobs and tasks I take on? I’m thankful for them. These people I get to do life with? I’m thankful for them.
Working a little harder to bravely live that out this week. As always, I hope you’ll join me.
Thanks for this helpful reminder! What a shame if our children see grumpiness rather than joy. It’s such a privilege to be a mum, I hope that my boys will be able to see that I think it’s the best job in the world. Thanks for helping me reevaluate my priorities!
My pleasure, Cathy. We all need that re-evaluating from time to time. <3
Well said.. I’m pretty sure that I can improve in this department also! 😉
I don’t have kids yet, but I’m definitely sharing this with my friends who do! Great post!
Katie~ As a mom of 5 grown children ranging in ages from 27-33 I can tell you the greatest reward will be when they do realize what you sacrificed on a daily basis for them. Each of my children have come to me at various times and shared how much they know they are loved, by the sacrifices made. I never saw it as sacrifice, I saw it as being a parent who wanted and still wants the best for my children. I think every parent including myself has felt this way at some point, but I truly believe it is a stage of growing on both ends for the children and for us. Parenting is a hard job, but when we can recognize the areas and choose to want to change them everybody benefits. This is truly the importance of praying for wisdom and I’m thankful Jesus says all we have to do is ask and it will be given liberally! Just remember to give yourself the same grace you would extend to someone else…Blessings!!!
What a gift. Thank you so much for sharing this wisdom, Sheila. I’m encouraged by your words!
I really enjoyed your post. To see life from your viewpoint and then your kids. When I have kids in the future, I would like to homeschool them at some point. I experienced the adventure of it with my parents, and I would want to make it an adventure for my kids too. Thank you for your insights!
Thank you, Katy. I’m glad you stopped by! I never intended to homeschool, but I am incredibly thankful for this adventure, these memories, we are making together.
I’m not a momma yet, but this really struck a chord in me. I want to do everything as doing it unto the Lord. I don’t want to trudge through life. I want to experience, taste, and savor it. Thank you for the reminder!
Wow, what a humbling realization! Isn’t it amazing the things kids can teach us about ourselves!?!?!?
Humbling, the perfect word for this life with kids. They are amazing and exhausting and very often humbling.
they need to see God at work in us
Indeed. And forgiveness and redemption when don’t get it quite right. There are lessons in the whole mess of it, aren’t there.
I told myself that I wasn’t going to be like my mother (I perceived her to be always grumpy), but here I am years later as a mother myself… and very grumpy! I just need to breathe and remember to just smile whenever I can, and your perspective of how things are running will follow suit!
I think becoming a mom helps us understand our own mothers a bit more and, hopefully, there is grace there. I’m banking on that a little. 😉 I know my mom really appreciated alone time, when my dad would just take us kids somewhere for a bit. I thought she was a little weird and boring for wanting be alone, but boy do I ever get it now! So maybe your mother’s perceived grumpy (and yours as well) is really just what keeping it all together looks like at times. Either way, a deep breath, a big smile and prayer for a heaping dose of grace can never hurt either. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by, Rachel!
Yep, that’s my life! Just this morning, I was trying and trying to hustle my kids out the door to make it to school on time so I wouldn’t miss the staff picture. As we’re walking out the door, Ashton asks me, “Mom, are you mad at me?” And right when I was going to ask him why he thought that, I realized I’d been strongly urging (okay, yelling) for him to get everything out the door for the last ten minutes. Total mom fail, and I need to be more diligent about the joy!!
It’s tough though, huh? Because staff pictures are for real. It’s unrealistic to expect perfection, to expect we’ll never do some “strong urging ” ;). But I think if it’s truly the exception and not the norm they will see our joy, know our joy, far more than frustration. Thanks for weighing in, Laura.
Great reminder! This hit home in my heart. We homeschool as well.
Thanks, Starla. Wishing you the best in your homeschool!
I’ve been thinking so much on joy lately, too. It’s interesting the ways we fight for something, yet our joy may not be seen in it. You’ve given me so much to think on!
…and now I have some questions for my own kids.
Ask at your own risk, Ashley; their honesty can be brutal at times. 😉 Thinking through how I can live this out a little better right along with you.