Trading Good for Best: How Busy is Robbing our Families

I’ve wanted to decorate for fall for weeks now.  Setting out a few favorite decorations to mark the seasons is a tradition in our home.  My children love it.  I love it.  It has become a part of our family culture.

Maybe this afternoon, I’ll get that box of fall decor down, I think to myself –  half hoping but fully knowing, I won’t.  I won’t, because we are busy.  There is piano this afternoon and ballet tonight.  Soccer tomorrow.  Ballet AND soccer the next night.  Add in a meeting or two, church on Wednesdays and you have us.

We are that family.  I am that mom.

Just a few years ago I swore I wouldn’t be here.  One activity per kid; I had it all figured out.  But then I had four kids.  And what happens when they choose sports but I want them to experience the arts?  Do church events count as activities?  What about after-school commitments – or for homeschoolers, co-ops and such – do these count as well?

I’m finding it’s not as cut and dry as I thought it would be.  In the day to day, when it comes to my children, it doesn’t feel like I’m fighting the evils of this world as much as I’m fighting the good.  Do you ever feel that?  There are just so many good things.  Things that develop their hearts and their friendships.  Things that develop their coordination and their minds.  Things that develop their knowledge and their teamwork, their athleticism and relationships.  All the good things. So much developing.

And as much as I don’t want to admit it, I’m silently fighting to keep up with all of those other great moms out there – those moms who are pulling it off well – their kids are doing all the things and they’re still smiling.  They are pulling off busy well, just look at their Instagram.  They have their kids in activities that are engaging their minds, growing their gifts, building strong friendships.  Who doesn’t want that for their children?

Except somewhere inside it all feels so rushed and strained.  When I’m brave enough to admit it, it feels more like surviving the days rather than nurturing the tiny souls God has placed in my hands.

I’m learning busy does not just rob our away moments, it robs our at home moments as well.  That read aloud we were loving has sat dusty for days now, because when we are home, we are tired.  Creativity and imagination lay wasted because when we are exhausted, we are empty.  This isn’t exactly the home life I was hoping to create.

Busy – even busy doing good things – takes our best moments, our best energy, our best efforts away from home.  I cannot clean well, cook well, serve and read, sit and make memories, have spontaneous walks and talks or linger at the dinner table when we are too busy.

If you’ve showed up around here much lately, you know I’m wrestling with this a little bit in this season.  I’m dancing around trying to find the balance between active and involved and the slower moments I crave for my home, my family, myself.  The struggle brings out my best Jekyll and Hyde as I swing one way and then back the other.

But something about that struggle feels right, as well.  That struggle means we are growing and learning here.  That struggle means we are committed to a framework for our family, a baseline of connectedness that we still seek and fight for amidst changing seasons.  And, most importantly, that struggle means we are seeking God for guidance.  We’re understanding that this parenting job seems too big, too hard at times.  We feel under-qualified and ill-equipped at managing it all and that is always the best spot to invite Him to take the wheel, to guide us, these kids, our family, better than we can.

More often than we like, busy is robbing our families.  Here are 3 ways I’m beginning to fight busy and say no to some of the good things.

1. With my husband.  We are facing this together.  We are figuring out what works for us.  There is no one size fits all approach here, but there is a sweet spot for your family, your kids, your schedule.  Fight to find it.  Together.  Watch for the signs of strain or craziness, a lack of time together, and be ruthless in cutting out the extras.
2. Get good at saying no to good things.  I kind of hate this part, honestly.  I think we all do at times.  We want the very best for our kids – quality art lessons, ice skating camp, private coaching or a club team, but in giving our kids the world, we often fail to give our kids us.  We fail to give them family time and togetherness, the beauty of unrushed moments and unscheduled afternoons, the freedom of memories made in an ordinary day.  It takes a brave no, friends.  I’m not convinced our kids need all the camps, all the lessons, all the extras in order to thrive, but I am convinced they need deeper and more connected relationships with us.  That can only be forged by saying a brave no to too many good things.
3. Prioritizing.  My husband and I sat down recently and talked through what really mattered to us.  And then we asked the next question – does our schedule reflect that?  Is this road leading us there?  Sometimes we compartmentalize our lives and say yes to things that won’t get us where we want to go.  Step back, look at the bigger picture and prioritize what really matters to and for your family.

I’d be lying if I said this was easy, friends.  It’s harder than I ever expected and we’re splashing through the muddy mess of it right along with you.  But the days are passing quicker than I ever could have imagined.  My years to guide these children, inside the walls of my home, are numbered.  I don’t say that from a place of fear or scarcity, I say that from an awareness that the seasons pass quickly and I want to steward this one well.

Keep stewarding bravely, friends.  Your family is worth it.