Somedays brave doesn’t look quite like we thought it might. Often times, that is because we look for brave, define our brave, by looking in the wrong direction.
We look around. We see friends and other women who are uniquely talented. They throw Pinterest parties, they Crossfit, they decorate their magazine-worthy homes like pros. They churn out meals like Ina Garten and have magnetic personalities and well-manicured children.
And rather than appreciating all that they are, we choose to see it through the lens of all that we are not.
We look down. We see where we are, which isn’t a whole lot different than where we were a year or two ago. And certainly not where we imagined we would be five or ten years ago. We’re treading water.
We thought parenting would be easier – the kids would be more obedient, we would be more patient and creative, and that it all wouldn’t be so exhausting.
We thought marriage would be a bit more exciting – that we’d agree more, that we would laugh more, that it wouldn’t feel like work.
We had ideas and dreams of how this would all go down. And guess what? This isn’t quite it.
Here’s the thing, we are looking in the wrong direction.
Reflection is good because it helps us understand process and assess what we are doing, but we weren’t meant to set up camp there. Change happens, growth happens, brave happens when we start looking ahead.Here are a few ways to get started
1. Figure out where you want to go. Really think about what you want your life to specifically look like and take the very next step to go there.
There are no limits to this idea. If you want to be a giver, then figure out the next step to being one. If you want creative children, then figure out the next step to raising them. If you want an awesome marriage, then, right now, start the work of having one.
When we are looking out and seeing all the beautiful things in the lives of others we often do not recognize all the work that went in to getting there. Honed skills don’t often happen organically. If you want to get somewhere then figure out the very next step that will take you there and go!
2. Realize there will be friction. Change requires friction. New habits, new patterns, dedication, it all comes at the cost of effort and a bit of friction. Don’t let that initial friction scare you. Lean in and press on as you begin to chart your course.
3. Stay focused. New things can be fun, at first. Saying you are going to run a half-marathon is fun, but I can tell you, at about training week 5, it’s not quite so fun anymore. The newness is gone, the goal is still a long way off and its just plain hard work.
At this point, brave is staying the course. It’s getting out there and training, again. It’s working out the kinks in marriage, again. It’s digger deeper to find another dose of patience, again. Because you know where you are going and staying focused is the way to get there.
You see, sometimes working out your brave is the big, courageous first steps. Sometimes it is pushing through the tension created by those who don’t really get what you are working on. Sometimes it’s courage to keep going when the road seems long and you’re not seeing much fruit.
It’s all real and it all takes courage.
But when you commit to it, growth happens. When you stop looking around you or to the place where you feel stuck, the view changes. Change your focus and change your view. And, interestingly enough, instead of envying your friends on their path, you’ll be better equipped to encourage them in their brave as well.
