They push their chairs back from the kitchen bar in haste, eager to be done with lunch and on to Legos, books, or the toys that call their names.
I’ll never cease to be amazed by the amount of time it takes for them to inhale food in relation to the effort it takes to prepare it. I blink and there are only bread crumbs and neglected remains.
“Please put away your dishes.” I remind them nonchalantly, almost out of habit.
And they do so accordingly.
All except the 6 year old, who chooses instead to make a quick exit.
The oldest is the first to notice. Those firstborns have a knack for it, don’t they? “Mom said to put our dishes away!” He says it a little too loudly and receives no response.
“She is not doing it, Mom.” He hollers as he leaves the room, in hot pursuit of the offender.
His thirst for justice quickens with each step.
And she simply ignores him. Apparently it’s worth the risk. She couldn’t care less about justice right now.
Completely frustrated, the oldest, chief among children in these parts, returns to the kitchen. “Mom, I told her about 5 times and she is not listening! She did not put her plate in the dishwasher and we should not have to do it for her.”
I smile wide, because it’s tough being the oldest. The need for order and tendency to control are feverish. The need for justice and righteousness runs strong in him. And while I don’t completely get it (possibly because I was the baby of the family and too often thought it worth the risk to ignore the older brother as well) I see where he is coming from.
But it is not his problem. It is outside his authority. He is frustrated by the fact that I’m not chasing her down, hollering and crying out for justice right along with him and it seems to him as though life isn’t fair. But I’m the mom. And I get to choose the best course of correction.
Maybe I’ll call her back to clean the kitchen as a discipline. Maybe I’ll give her a minute or two to see if she makes a better choice. Maybe I’ll wait to see if she was just rushing off to use the restroom and returns to complete her chore. Or maybe I’ll just snuggle her up on the comfy chair and talk about making good choices, about listening well, about heeding the advice of older siblings.
I get to make that choice. I am endowed with that responsibility. I am better equipped to respond to her heart, to know what she needs, to see where she is lacking, than the 11 year old brother who seeks a surface righteousness, a visible fairness and doesn’t always understand the bigger picture.
The other day I sat with a woman who was hurting. It was unfair what life had dealt her. It was messing with her and it made me angry. Because, why?
Why does it work out that some people get crappy parents and some people get amazing ones?
Why does one woman get babies she doesn’t even want, doesn’t even care for, while another woman is aching for just one?
Why does one family have to fight cancer with every ounce of strength, every fiber of faith, while another spends health carelessly, without regard?
Why are the faithful poor? Why do good spouses feel unloved? Why do the best of intentions fail and the purest of hearts get broken?
My heart screams for righteousness, a visible fairness. Not unlike a certain eleven year old.
But what if this is what trusting a good God looks like? Trusting that He is seeing what I do not, knowing what I do not and loving like I cannot. What if I don’t always quite understand the bigger picture?
If the truths we proclaim when the sun shines are really true, we must believe them when the storm rages as well.
He sees all things, knows all things. He is good. He is righteous and He is gracious. (Psalm 145:18). He is before all things and in Him all things consist. (Colossians 1:17). His love is unending and unfailing and more than my finite mind can comprehend.
And I will trust in that. I will trust that He sees more, knows more and loves more than I could ever imagine, even when it seems like life isn’t fair.
Beautiful post, Katie. We want to see justice done immediately. We want things to be fair. We want, we want, we want…but what does God want? That all should come to repentance. He has a plan. He is the artist with the painting already in mind. I don’t like those bold black strokes or those smokey gray splotches, but He uses them to create the whole picture. I love that…He knows and I don’t and that is okay! Keep up the wonderful writing! Thank you for turning our hearts towards Him. – Amy
http://stylingrannymama.com/
This is very encouraging. Thank you. Recently I have learned in a very personal and intimate way that life is not fair, this world is not fair and horrible things happen to good people every day. Some of my closest friends struggle with very deep issues in their own lives and I hurt for them too. But choosing to cling to God and faith has definitely helped me see light at the end of the tunnel.
I’m sorry you’ve struggled recently, Lizette, but am so glad you have chosen faith over bitterness. It’s a brave choice. <3
Good Morning
Loveley reading your posts. Life also dealt me a couple of blows I.e. A miscarraige that was very hard to accept. One day listening to the radio they talked about the same topic. They said God never said that life will be fair he never promised us an easy life. He gave us His word and all the promises that He will never forsake us amidst our hardships. We serve a fair God living in an unfair world.
Adel (South Africa)
So very true. Thanks for being here, Adel.
Thank you for bringing comfort to my heart and peace to my soul. I lost my mom to cancer five years ago, and not a day goes by that I don’t think about her. While I have stopped asking “why” to God, and I am learning to accept that He knows all, sometimes my heart still struggles. She was a faithful follower of Christ, and in time and in heaven she will tell me that it was all worth it and part of God’s plan. THANK YOU for the reassurance that my heart needed today. Our God is faithful, and I refuse to stop loving and serving Him over a mystery. God Bless You!
I’m so sorry Shawna. I hope to never minimize your whys. I have my own and they aren’t easy. But it is a courageous faith to see past, believe past, what is right in front of you. It will be worth it all. Have every bit of confidence in that. <3
On the contrary-your posts have been so encouraging! Thank you for being brave, and inspiring so many others to be brave in Christ as well!! xoxo
Good day, I also loved your post, Im reading all the way in South Africa. I also have felt many times that life is not fair, the amazing part if the growth of peace and strength inside and in the knowing that God still cares and still loves me and I tell Him daily that there is a reason for all the hardships in life and that He shouldnt let me die until I see His intentions about my life.
It’s comforting to know that the wrestling is okay too, isn’t it? We all go there at times and I’m pretty sure God gets that too. And welcome from South Africa. The internet is a pretty amazing connector of people. 🙂
This touched my heart! I’m moved nearly to tears because I’ve felt like this too. Sometimes I ask why and while I know that our God has the best intention for us my mind can’t fully grasp the “bigger picture”. This explanation of a Mother’s love in comparison with our Father’s love is such a perfect analogy. You’ve blessed me and I thank you!
My thoughts exactly, Natalie. It’s His grace; I only write the words. Thanks for reading. <3
My husband and I haven’t been blessed with children of our own yet but I still love reading your posts, even the ones on parenting. Your thoughts ring so true to me and I’m inspired by your insightfulness. Just wanted to let you know how much I enjoy them. Thanks!
Thank you, Erin. I love hearing this. I’m just a girl learning on the journey, not unlike you. Motherhood seems to give me lots of material…and lots of opportunities to grow, but I do hope that the insights might apply beyond that. Thank you for testifying to that. <3