I’m a bit argumentative by nature. I am. I’m quite opinionated, I like to chat and, while others may not always agree, I tend to think I have pretty great ideas. Quite the picture of humility, huh?
I think that is probably true of most us though. Besides a self-deprecating few, most of us think our ideas are pretty great…or else, we would choose a different idea, right?
However, not everyone likes to argue their ideas. Not everyone enjoys the heated debate of hashing out ideas, exploiting weaknesses or inconsistency of thought and seeking some kind of consistent reasoning or rational logic. I’ve figured that out the hard way and for the most part have learned, with age, to temper my discussions. Which is basically just code for keeping my mouth shut a whole lot more.
And that’s a good place to start. A great place, actually. But it shouldn’t end there.
When I’m on the freeway, driving beside that idiot that doesn’t believe in cruise control and can’t decide if he wants to pass me or follow me or just hang out beside me for a spell, my ability to keep my mouth shut may be fabulous, yet the mental berating I’m giving the guy leaves something to be desired.
And yet I sit, mostly poised, with my mouth shut like a good girl.
Who am I pulling the wool over on anyway? My four children in the backseat? Sure I’m not filling the car with an ugly discourse, but you know what? My oldest is 10 and that seems to be about the age when he can start seeing my thoughts all over my face.
Apparently, I would stink at poker.
When I’m frustrated he can see it. Tense, he sees it. Nervous, scared, he sees it. The wool is getting harder to pull.
When I was growing up we had some close family friends who had outlawed the word “shut up” in their home. It was blacklisted, off-limits. And while maybe a good idea in theory, I remember those kids being able to throw a “shush up” around like nobody’s business. Different word, same meaning. And, more importantly, thrown around with the same heart.
The hard work of heart work. It’s seriously hard work.
We’ve been working on some sibling relationships issue with our kids lately. See how nicely I put that? Every mama knows what that really means.
Somehow my kids are good with words. For their age they are adept at crafting them into effective barbs which they launch effortlessly at neighboring targets. I can’t imagine where they learned that from.
I lamented to my husband the other night that having kids is hard. He said I was wrong. Having kids is easy (easy for a man to say?), raising good kids is hard. I get his point.
Training little hearts is tough, particularly for a girl who has a hard time keeping a leash on her own. But I’m convinced it’s what really matters. I don’t want to spend my time censoring words and throwing out the daily “if you don’t have anything nice to say…”. I want to raise kids who know love. I want them to know love because they’ve seen it in their mama. Not just love for them, but love for others, bad drivers included. No biting my tongue, tense and angry poker face, authentic love.
So we’ll continue to work this out together; learn it together. A bunch of sinners, crazy thankful for grace, learning to love well because He first loved us.
Great article
Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight reign on their tongue (and thoughts!) DECEIVE themselves and their “religion” is WORTHLESS!
If people could see what I am thinking they would know what a horrible person I really am. I think such mean things – yeah great I didn’t say it out loud, but God heard me think that. I probably didn’t need to think what I thought about a woman who walked by in a skimpy dress. I didn’t need to be annoyed with the lady in the check out lane chatting it up when she could have been moving through faster so I could be on my way.
I keep the verse on a sticky note in my car as a reminder for both me and my husband! Its definitely a good one to memorize. We hurt our witness if don’t have a pure heart and let whatever yuck flow from our tongue.
I hate it when people tell me I’m a good person (it’s a rare occasion) but when they do I feel like a fraud, because I know I have a lot to work on and really need to work on my heart and not just keeping my mouth shut. Both areas are a work in progress but I really need to work on taking every thought captive.
Thank you for your words. They are a blessing to me and I’m always looking for different takes from bloggers to keep me focused on God in addition to my daily quiet time with the bible.
God knew that I needed to see this today! It’s great to know that other mothers struggle with the same issues that I do. And it’s even better that God grants us grace through our imperfect learning. I am constantly reminded,usually but my children, that I need to be the example of Christ’s love. It IS hard, I fail, but I pick myself up and pray for guidance and for Him to interrupt my thoughts and words before they come flying out. Thank you for sharing this!
Yes, Emily. And the truth is, it’s okay, good even, for our kids to see us doing just that! I’m glad these words reached you when you needed them. <3
As they say, more is caught than taught, right? Oftentimes when I think, “How do I go about teaching this to my son,” I’m reminded in my spirit that the best way to teach him is to set an example. I loved what you had to say about having authentic hearts, and I love the reminder that it starts with us – the mamas!
So much responsibility in this job, isn’t there, Lisa? But what a beautiful opportunity as well. <3
Beautifully written! This is such a great message and is so so true! Thanks so much for sharing this, I definitely needed to hear this tonight!
Carsyn | https://colorfullycarsyn.blogspot.com |
Thank you for reading, Carsyn! It’s a message I needed reminded of often. 🙂
Oh Katie, I love this! It is such hard work, this heart work. But I am oh so thankful for the grace to keep at it. Thank you for sharing so beautifully! You are a Mama after my own heart.
Such kinds words, Ashley; thank you! So fun to meet other mamas on this same journey, trying to this parenting thing well.
Thank you so much for joining the link party at Counting My Blessings. I love your site, your post, and graphics. I can’t wait to get to know you better. Enjoy a wonderful blessing-filled weekend.
Thank you, Deb! Wishing you a wonderful weekend as well.